Double Thumbs Down: The Art of Being Deeply Disappointed

Why do the smallest inconveniences sometimes create the biggest emotional reactions? In this episode, Jane and Keri explore why everyday frustrations like traffic, rude people, unexpected setbacks, and life’s terrible timing can throw us completely off course. Through personal stories, humor, intuitive insights, and honest conversation, they discuss how to recognize emotional triggers, regulate your nervous system, shift your perspective, and find moments of joy even when life feels chaotic. If you’ve ever found yourself irrationally angry over something small or wondered how to stop letting everyday stress steal your peace, this episode is for you.

💫 Email us at theunhingedintuitives@gmail.com for questions, comments, or topic requests, we would love to hear from you!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello everyone. Welcome, weirdos. Welcome, weirdos. So today we wanted to focus on a story that happened to us earlier in the week. Uh, Carrie and I were driving around and we went out to dinner, and we were gonna go get this little ice cream before we headed off to the sound bath because we were gonna go have our moment of just hanging out. And as we're driving, all the traffic's like coming to a stall, and this these girls in the car next to us, like so we can turn left, totally stop to let us through. And then there's one car that just goes super slow and stops right in front of us.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

And so immediately, I fucking so we can't yes, can't go into the parking lot.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Yeah, yeah. And I give him the double thumbs down. I am like full on double thumbing it down, and can't carry full chest and aggression, double thumbs down.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Carrie looks at me and she goes, put those away. Like gently pushed your hands down. We don't need that, Jane. We're better than that.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Assholes need to know when they're doing double fucking fingers down moves, and these thumbs will do what they want. You were so proud because you didn't flip them off, and it was the first time you got to double thumbs down. That so most of the time I give a thumbs down while I'm draw uh driving, and I do it like you know, King Joffrey style where I stick it out in neutral and then stick it down to let them know how disappointed. But this time it was like a fucking double finger. Um, but that's what brought us to tonight. Like, you know, how do you protect your joy when life keeps asking you to give it away? So here Carrie and I are simply just trying to make a left, right? And homeboy's holding us up at the light. We have to make this gnarly like S curve. The girls who stopped for us are laughing hysterically because we're doing the thumbs down and like having to like clown car our way in. And part of what I was sharing with Carrie is like, I enjoy a double finger, I really enjoy the double fingers down. Um, but I enjoy a thumbs down because it it it lets motherfuckers know I'm disappointed and it makes me laugh.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

So you've just should shifted from anger to disappointment. I'm extremely disappointed in you and your poor driving choices.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

But then I fucking laugh too because it's just absurd to give double fingers down, right? Like double thumbs down. Yeah. That's fine.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Well, you know, and then afterwards, like I was like, Jane, it's okay, you can put your hands down, and you were so excited about it. And I'm like, oh my god, I totally hard, I totally like shat all over your like double double thumbs and double happiness because you got to like thumbs down instead of flip them off, right? So that's improvement in your part because you're not angry, you're just severely disappointed, you know. And I'll do it again. And I couldn't even, yeah, and I couldn't even let you have your moment.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

So again, I know what I still had it and we fucking were giggling. So, all in all, we brought joy back to a moment that is super fucking frustrating. That happens, which, oh my god, I forgot to tell you. Um, I was thinking about this yesterday when we were driving up to the sound bath. I was the double fingers down person. I like missed my churn and I ended up cutting off a fucking bus, and the bus honked at me, and I'm like, oh, I'm the asshole. I deserve the thumbs down.

SPEAKER_02 3:39

And the universe is in balance and we are complete. The circle is complete.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Uh okay, so I want to jump back and I want to go into our card poll. We pulled a card and we did a um reading for this. So, Carrie, if you kick us off.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Yes, okay. So, my question was what can people do in the moment when they realize that they are, or to help them realize that they are about to um jump into the same patterns um in dealing with frustration and speed bumps and things like that that come your way. So this is what I got. I got beauty way. And this says, um, and by the way, this is from the Mystical Shaman Oracle guidebook. Okay, so and this one says, the beauty way is both a path you travel on and a daily practice. The path is where you choose to perceive only beauty before you, behind you, and all around you as you journey through life. The practice is where you take action to bring beauty in every situation you are in. When things get ugly, you act to bring integrity and peace to the difficult encounter. When everyone perceives only darkness, you point out the light and help uncover the hidden treasures. The beauty way invites you to create beauty in your life and to recognize the beauty inside yourself and in others. Stop to smell the roses, take a deep breath, look up at the stars, and recognize the splendor that surrounds you. See the beauty in whatever situation you find yourself in, and you will receive the lesson that life is teaching you in a kind and gentle way. Isn't that just perfect?

SPEAKER_00 5:12

It's perfect. And it focuses so much on just things that have been coming up in this past month.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

You're maintaining softness in the midst of just absolute fuckery shit shown us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And and especially like the shit that you have no control in. You really do have a choice. Am I gonna fucking stand in this gnarly energy, or can I find like the fucking humor?

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Well, I think that's where people get tripped up because you know, we can all do that with certain things, you know. Maybe um you accidentally, you know, maybe you and your partner are washing dishes and you accidentally splash them and yay, water fight, yay, hilarious, right? But whereas other people might take that and be like, you got me soaking wet on my new shirt, and uh, you know, and like it's a thing and I can't, you know, like that type of thing. So it's like we all have the opportunity to do that, but I think we're able to do that for a lot of things. But the trick is catching it when we are irritated for quote no reason, right? Or like when we know, you know, that that it's not necessary to be that angry for you know, for whatever it doesn't your level of anger and being triggered doesn't match the severity of the situation.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Yeah, catch it before the angry dragon comes out, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, um, okay, so for me, I did a channeled message, and my question is, what is the spiritual lesson behind inconvenience? And the answer is humans tend to get trapped in their own minds and stuck in absolute thought, black or white. The minor inconveniences are a chance to pull your head out of your ass and see if there is any different way of thinking. In this moment, the first reaction tends to be emotion, and then sometimes followed by thought and trying to attach blame or cause. What if the next time something annoying were to happen, you ask yourself, where can I find joy in this moment? Where can I find laughter? Where can I find calm, happiness, neutrality? It does not always have to mean something. Annoyances can simply be a universal nudge to think differently or find appreciation in the unknown.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

So when was the when did you have like a defining moment when you figured out, like, oh my god, I'm being triggered, and I have the opportunity to think and behave and act differently about this same trigger?

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Yeah, like a defining moment about that. Um, I don't have a defining moment. I feel like I have um years of like personal self-development and therapy, where I'm finally like, oh, now I get it. Like, like the biggest aha moment, truthfully, was um, and I wish this for all parents to understand sooner. I wish I did, um, is like you can't expect your kiddo who's losing their shit to somehow magically get calm if you're losing your shit because they're losing their shit. Yeah. So like I've had to like really train myself that when I start feeling like um today was a perfect example. We were in the library, and you know, my kiddo's sitting there, and he's making these noises, and he's like clicking it, and it's driving me up a fucking wall. And I can feel my body, like I'm starting to feel like the physical sensation, like my hands, I clench them, my jaw, I clench, like I feel a tightness in my chest. Um, and then I I got up and I walked away. And I just said, Hey, I need a minute, like I'm having a difficult time with this. And before, I think I would have just sat in that energy, not totally recognizing that buildup, and then I would have exploded and been like, put that shit away, you know, or like something that wouldn't have helped.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Well, it's so I think that's one of the key things is like you noticed it in your body. Yes, yeah, and that took me a long time to find that, and just realize that oh my god, this is what's happening. And then sometimes I would even get to a point where I would feel all those sensations still, but I I I felt powerless to even stop that. I'm like, I'm my I'm getting a headache, and you know, my jaw is all clenched and my muscles are tense and my shoulders are all scrunched up and then I'm getting really angry, but I don't know how to stop this, you know, type of thing.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah. So I think what's hard with that is um truthfully, it wasn't until my 40s where I started actually being able to catch myself. Like that's why I say I really wish this was hard for me too. Really hard, really hard to feel my fucking feelings. Um, and I know and your body, and yes, yes. Um, I know in my 20s, um, I got really pissed one time because I had a big reaction over something that I thought I had moved through, I had forgiven this person. Um, but they, you know, were somebody that had to keep showing up in my life for 18 years, you know, by court order. I have to see that person because we share a human being. Um naturally those are going to be more triggering relationships oftentimes. Um, and I remember being so stuck in being pissed that I was pissed because I thought part of this journey was like to not get angry, to not have big reactions. And I don't think that is. Now where I stand, I think it is catching the clenching teeth before it turns into the clenched teeth and the the fist, you know, my nails digging in, and then like so I would love to as soon as I feel my clenched teeth, because I think that's what happens first, catch myself there. That would be so much growth for me.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

Are you able to do that? Like, where at what point, like how far do you go before you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, slam on the brakes.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

If if my kid looks over and he says, Why are you giving me a death stare? Then that's where I'm like, oh, I missed, I missed the bodily cues, right? But yeah, it still takes like those two or three cues before I'm realizing, like, oh, my heart's starting to race and I'm getting anxious. I need to get up and go walk this off because you know, no saber-tooth tiger is trying to attack me right now. I'm just worried what other people will think about my kid making this clicking noise in a library.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Yeah. How about how about for you?

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Um, well, for me, what I've realized is whenever an incident happens or whenever I'm going through, it's like I'm immersed in that experience, and I don't recognize like that something like I've been done wrong, or something like that. Like, I don't recognize that until like the following day. I'm like, wait a minute, it's kind of fucked up, right? So then I get mad like after the fact, right? And then by that point, when I go to address it or whatever it is, it's like, well, why are you making a big deal out of nothing? You should have said something at the time. It's like, I don't that I just that's just a bit the yammer yammer yammer. I don't know, you know, that's just what happened. This is where I'm at.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

I wouldn't have been for the last 24 hours. If you would have been in my head listening to this ruminate, I would have loved to have figured it out 24 hours ago, but I did not get here until now.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Right, exactly. That's exactly it, you know. And it's like, I would love to have like that instant snappy comeback to whatever snarky thing you're saying to me, and like that completely, completely cuts you to the to the core, right? Like, I would love to have that, but it just that's just not I don't know, it's not how I am, right? But um one of the the biggest moments for me was when um during a um of Apassana meditation, um, I had a moment where I was meditating with a whole group of men and women. There was probably, I don't know, 50, 60 of us all together. The women were on one side, men on the other. I'll tell you the story real quick. And there were two guys. Um, the one of them in the men's section, he was um he was just burping and farting and just kind of, you know, just whatever, you know, and just kind of letting it rip natural body functions, right? It was happening. But and I was just uh I'm like, oh my god, this guy, I cannot believe this guy. This is and the guy wouldn't stop. And the guy right behind him was getting super irritated and kept cracking his knuckles in anger to just kind of uh you know, distract himself from this guy right in front of him that was, you know, just burping and farting and being disgusting, right? I was so livid, Jane. I was absolutely I've never been this livid in my life. Not with any other like family squabbles or anything, anything that anybody had ever done to me. I've never been this angry ever in my life. So here I am, and my body is shaking because I'm about ready to like yell in this like quiet, peaceful meditation room. Shut the f up. Like I'm about to yell that every I'm a molecule away of from standing up and like shouting in this guy's face, right? When all of a sudden a friend of mine who's now passed, who was absolutely hilarious, one of his most hilarious stories popped into my head at the exact moment I'm starting to stand up, right? And it that and that's when it like my brain just kind of like record scratch, right? Like the gears just came to a grinding halt. And I'm like, wait a minute, I have the choice. I can be like, I can't house this much anger and this much humor and joy and laughter in the same vessel that's me. Like, I can't like I get to choose. Do I want to be angry or do I want to be happy? I'm like, I'm gonna be happy. And so I did. So I didn't get up and I didn't yell at the guy, and I didn't yell at the other guy, and I didn't murder anybody, which was kind of good because I was there for meditating and not murdering. But you know, I was able to just really grasp that moment. And so what happened when I was finished with that whole thing, any squabbles that I got into after that, like the same triggers, the same everything, I knew what was coming because there are people that you know you have the same fights with over and over again, different form, you know. And it's like the next time that that situation came across my plate, which was very soon after I'd come home from this. Um, this person that I was squabbling with was like, Well, aren't you gonna say anything back? Aren't you gonna fight with me? Aren't you gonna like argue? And I'm like, No, I'm not. Like, I don't, I don't need to. Yeah, I just I don't need to. Yeah, you know, and he, you know, that caused him to just glitch because this was not the reaction, you know. He knew how to push all my buttons and he knew all that kind of stuff, you know. And I'm just like, I don't need to.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Like, that's that's on you. Like, I don't this doesn't bother me. I'm handing this over. I do not take your pile of shit. You're gifted. I do not accept your gift of anger. There we go. There we go.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

That's exactly yeah, I do not accept your gift of anger. And it's like, I I don't, I don't have to. Like, you can be angry, and that's on you, but I'm not gonna, I'll I'll apologize for whatever, whatever I fucked up, and I'm gonna take responsibility for that. And moving forward, here's what I'm gonna do to you know mitigate that. But as for you being angry, that's that's on you, that's not me. Yeah, you know, and it's like, and I had spent so much of my life, like anytime anybody was angry with me, like that truly was the end of the world. Like I was such a horrible human being. Like, I was like, because for me, it's like that's and that's one of those things too, right? It's like we get astounded and amazed and hurt when people treat us a certain way because we would never treat them that way, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

And so because I had not enough self-esteem to be able to distinguish that, yeah, you know, I would tolerate a lot of you know, just stuff, you know, that's just wasn't all exactly healthy. So yeah, I just got to a point where I'm like, I don't, this doesn't bother me anymore, and I can I can move on.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

So what's fascinating is so that point of like all that anger bubbling up, the guy's ripping ass, the other guy's cracking his knuckles, and you have this like moment of levity because you remember a story that makes you laugh and you realize you can choose joy. Yes, and you're wording, I think, with someone thing like there's no space for this if I have this much joy. I it's all I get to choose, and I can't hold both of them at the same time. I wonder, you know, like the two wolves, like which wolf are we feeding? I think the duality does live within us, and it's not so either or it's both, but learning how to like gracefully dance through what you want since you know they're both there, but you can feed attention to this one and make it bigger and take up your space.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

Well, you know what? I think yeah, I kind of I've kind of come around to that too, because there's still such a thing as righteous anger, right? Oh, that phrase is thrown around all over the place, right? But it's like when you you know are witnessing abuse, you know. Um when you, you know, when you're seeing something that's children getting truly egregious, what's that? Children getting hurt or animals getting hurt. Right, exactly. Yeah, when you're witnessing something like truly egregious and really horrible and horrifying, that's absolutely okay to be upset and angry at the whoever's doing that, because that's some shit's out there that's like absolutely sick, right? So, um, yeah, so that's that's perfectly okay to be angry at that shit, you know. So, but what would you gonna do with that though?

SPEAKER_00 18:26

You know, yes, that how are you gonna feed your soul from this moment? Because I think that's a bigger springboard that I'm trying to take is you know living in joy or finding more beauty doesn't mean that you're 100% gonna live in those feelings because the reality is that we're human, you're gonna stub your toe, you're gonna bonk your head, like you're you're gonna be running late, and some asshole's gonna stop right in front of you, so you can't just simply go. Um, but it's it's double thumbs down. That where can you find the double thumbs down moment that makes you laugh even in a shitty moment? Or maybe not laugh, but maybe not feel that like fucking rage that's really out of proportion with what's actually happening in front of you.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

Well, that's what happened to me in that meditation with that guy's guy making the noise, the guy's making the noises, right? It's like that's what it allowed me to realize. It's like I get a choice of how I react to this, yeah. Right, you know, and that's like for the holding both, it was like I couldn't be this angry and this joyful at the same time. That's what couldn't hold. Yes, yes, 100%. Yeah, I see that. So, and and that's and that's where I had my choice, right? So it's like ever since that moment, nothing is serious and everything is fucking hilarious. Like everything on this planet is hilarious. That doesn't mean I still don't like get caught up in like, oh shit, how am I gonna handle this issue or how am I gonna pay this bill, or I have to have this difficult conversation that I really am being a really big chicken shit about, you know, yeah, that type of thing. But still, like it's caused me to, I what I've noticed for myself is like I've just really gotten that stick out of my ass, and I'm just a lot lighter about like a lot of things in life. Like nothing, nothing is important or serious until we make it important or serious, you know?

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah, because we're still gonna have those moments where we have like a coworker or an insurance agent or somebody that just fucking infuriates us, right? Yes. So, but it's like, how do we always have our compass towards a true north pointing towards joy? Like, how do we find our way back to that? You know what?

SPEAKER_02 20:40

For me, it is a whole like zooming out and like talking through the whole process, right? Because if I'm going to bitch to you or any of my other friends or whatever, it's like, my God, this insurance lady, unbelievable, this nonsense that I'm still dealing with six months later out of seven months later now, right? Um, yeah. So it's like, but when I talk through it, when I hear it, like I recognize that I am I'm choosing this, like I'm choosing this anger, I'm choosing this frustration. And so I get to think, oh, do I want to continue to be upset? No, I don't. This is just a woman who is just severely incompetent at her job, and this is just something I have to deal with, right? Like the whole phrase, um, chop wood, carry water, right? Like it doesn't matter what happens, you still have to do these daily chores, you still have to do these earthly things that get you through life. You have to pay a bill, you have to drive to work, you have to change a baby's diaper, you gotta, you know, all you have to do these things, right? Yeah, and this is just one of these things is I just have to deal with this woman's crippling incompetence.

unknown 21:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Well, and I think, you know, I too like to process like I like to process through storytelling, I think I realize. And I love exaggerating. I love making like I love using curse words on curse words, um, you know, just a really Really get it out so I can laugh. Because I think once I get to laughter, then it's like it's not, I'm not having that like angry, you know, rage monster inside, like trying to get out. I'm now like finding joy because it's so stupid, and why am I wasting my time on this?

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Really, truly. You know, it's like I know, okay, so I know you've heard people that are like, um, why am I laughing when I'm at this funeral, right? Like you're laughing and crying at the same time. But the thing is, in your brain, those two segments of laughter and crying are right next to each other. So they kind of overlap and they bleed into each other back and forth a little bit. So it's not uncommon for people to laugh during the most horrifyingly sad moments, right? Yeah. So I'm wondering if there's some kind of thing in your brain that um God, where was I going with this? That is kind of the same thing, right? That can allow you to just um uh navigate a situation that's um unpleasant or inconvenient or whatever, and you still are able to find you know that thing, you know, because I'm only thinking of funerals, but oh, I guess maybe it is the same thing, right? Like it's just not as severe as a funeral, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

I think when you talk about funeral, it's kind of like the dark humor, which I mean I I think I love some dark humor, it helps him get through dark times, right? Yes, you do. So so I I get that. Like I think it's the brain, I think it's the brain's way of being like, you fucking survived this, you deserve to laugh. Because if we don't laugh, I'd be fucking crying and I'd rather laugh than cry.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Or both, both at the same time. Laugh till you cry. Kiss my pants because laugh until the tears yeah, laugh until the tears run down your leg, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Uh I like that. Okay, have you ever had any moments where something is like so fucking crazy, like shit's going on, and it's like total spiral chaos, and then just something comes out of it where you're like, okay, this is like this, this is the universe just throwing a joke at me. I have, and I'm trying to think of a specific moment. So I have one, I'll share mine. Um I used to take kids backpacking through the forest all the time. And um my first year, where I actually led, like I'm in charge of two other adults and you know, uh 13 kids. Um so I'm taking them, we're going from Mammoth to Yosemite, and on day two, we were supposed to go up to like Lake McClure, I think, McClure Lake, and um I miss the churn because it was overgrown. And so we walk down and we get to this giant like river with big bridge, and I'm looking at the map and I'm like, fuck, we are in the wrong place, right? And so um I have to like totally own up to it. I'm 18. The people on my group, like the other two leaders, is like a dad, um, who he was super nice, but like ran marathons but couldn't hike like three miles with a backpack because it was just too hard. And like I'd have to lift his 30-pound backpack. My meanwhile, my my backpack's like 70 pounds. I'm 18 years old, and this man's like 50, like I'm his shepherd, like you know, or Sherpa, like putting his shepherd. Right, right. So we get there. I'm trying to convince him this whole time, like, this trip's amazing, you're gonna love it. I knew by this point, like I fucking lost you. Like I dunned fuck up, right? So I'm sitting there, I find a trail, like, okay, I'm figuring everything out, like how we're gonna get back to this. And um I eventually go, we stay a night next to water. Um, I find a ranger, and so I go up to the ranger and I was like, hey, we got lost. Like, um, do you have any way we can contact people? Blah, blah, blah. We need to get we need to get some people out of here. And he's like, Oh, I'm headed into the forest right now. He's like, but there's my keys in my truck. Just take my truck. Um, town's three hours away, and you can just leave the keys on the dashboard when you get back, right? Like, this is in the 2000s, mind you. Like, it's in Oakhurst, so and Oakhurst, apparently at the time was like meth head crack, uh, you know, capital of the world. So this, this fantastic. Yeah. So I'm driving these people. We take them out to town, they finally, you know, get onto the Greyhound bus, they find their way. We decide we're just gonna stay in Mammoth, we're gonna do a mammoth loop now instead of finishing in Yosemite. We figure it all out. So we are back in um Red's Meadow, and we're um near kind of like Rainbow Falls area, and it starts torrential downpouring, right? Like torrential. So when we drop those people off, we left some of the gear so we wouldn't be stuck with all the group gear. Well, we gave them too much fucking shit. So we only had like one rainfly for like oh no, yeah, for like 12 people, and the one rainfly fits five, right? So every everyone around us, they're all camping, they bring out this giant tarp that's like a hundred feet tall, they help build us a shelter, people are bringing us hot chocolates and food. It ended up being the best backpacking trip because it was just so much fucking fun and so unexpected, and we just laughed. And then the kicker was um the next year we went back and we're leading out of the same place, and a ranger comes up and just starts talking randomly, and he's like, Yeah, you know, like last year some lady like got lost, and then her kids left all their rain gear around, and we had to build them a tarp, and like, and I was sitting there, and I was like, He's fucking talking about me. So it was absolute fucking chaos. It was the first trip I was leading, so I couldn't have fucked it up anymore if I tried. I didn't kill anyone, I didn't lose anyone, so I guess that could have been but so you win. Oh, totally, and I just I look back now, and and like those kids for years after were like, that was the best trip ever.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Oh my god, that is amazing. That one gives a double thumbs up for all your efforts and not getting lost, and a double thumbs down to the ranger for complaining about you the following year to you about you.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

So, how many times had you been talking shit? Right? And I was like, I think I even was like, Yeah, that was me. And he was like, Oh, sorry. Right here, I did that. You're welcome. Won't do that again, promise.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Oh my god. So what other what other things can we do in order to just really hold joy instead of just letting it over overcome?

SPEAKER_00 28:49

I think that, like, so allow yourself to have the human moments, right? Um, I think if you're throwing shit or like really losing, like screaming, then you took it too far. But you're allowed to sit and process. And I think that first thing is like, okay, what am I feeling? And like if you can name it, you can tame it, right? So yeah, put, put like, all right, like for me, that's what's starting to help. I feel my teeth clenched, my fists are fucking clean, like I'm about, you know, I'm making fist and I'm getting anxiousness, like I'm getting tightness in my chest. Um, start just bringing awareness, and then I think just bringing the awareness and and then um, you know, call someone if you need to fucking call and make jokes, laugh about it. Um, but I think that's the part is you have to be able to not buy into your own bullshit. Cause I think you don't really, because I think sometimes we also want to find this is this is what I realized I used to do. I wanted to be right, so I wanted to prove why this was shitty, why what this person did to me was egregious, why, why, why, and why on the other side of that, then I'm proving why I'm right, but really fundamentally for me, I just want to be seen and heard. So that little you know, the little Jane in me that needs that, like I need to fucking find that, like regulate my fucking self, check out and like just start paying attention. Am I reacting proportionately? Like I think those are the things, and then ultimately, I think once you start checking yourself, for lack of a better word, it is funny to find. I mean, even like the way you had to snake around that fucking car, like you still were able to do it, but it was so ridiculous. It was like such a clown move, right? Like, so just yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

Oh my god. Well, you know, and then I'm thinking too the universe has absolutely horrible timing, right? Oh, it's like you finally get ahead in your bills, you finally pay off that credit card, and you finally are able to, you know, make this repair on whatever in your house, and you're finally able to like get your kid the new soccer shoes, whatever, whatever. And then your car decides that you know you need another like thousand-dollar repair, and you're like, the fuck, man, like one thing after another after another after another, you know? And it's like, yeah, it's it's bad timing. And what I've learned now is that oftentimes, like I've learned to see all those things as blessings, right? Because you can't, like, if your cup is full with you being at a certain mental or emotional or spiritual level, you can't add more to that if you're already capped off, right? So things have to displace. You have to, you know, when you drop a clump of butter inside a cup of water, right? Like it's gonna, the water is gonna rise up and spill over, right? Like that's just what happens, you know? And so the you have to get rid of things, you have to have all these breakdowns in order to really give you all these lessons to really help you just kind of fine-tune and be like, the universe is like, are you ready for more? Like you said you're ready for more, but um, we got to get rid of this stuff first. The thing is, we aren't told that that's what's gonna happen. We aren't told the relationships are gonna crumble. We aren't told that we're all of our objects and things and whatever are gonna need repairs and breaks and all this other shit, you know? So that's that's where it's our job to hold that um that joy, even in the light of even in the face of that, right? It's just like okay, yeah, we all worry about one thing or another, but it's like truly at the end of the day, like, haven't you always been taken care of? Yes. By some means, somehow, even though you never knew how, you always still were taken care of, right? You still always had someplace to sleep, you always had something to eat. Things may have been sparse and stretched thin here and there, but you still were always taken care of, right? Yeah, you know, it's like we we really do get to choose to see the beauty and find find what's good about every horrible situation.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

So this is somewhere where I struggle because um while I know well, because so where I find this to be true, and um, you know, I find I try to look for evidence of what's good. Um, you know, I have been watching my little kiddo that has just been having a really tough time. And like one thing bad is happening and then another bad thing is happening. And in his world, it's horrible. Um, so how I don't feel right just being, and I've I've tried to told, I've told him, like, please, you know, babe, I promise you, like the universe is neutral. It's not out to punish us, it's not out to hurt us. It really just responds to what like where our attention flows, like our energy goes. Um, but for him, he's getting stuck in this little cycle of like shit on shit is happening, and therefore, like the world sucks. So, how much is like little hormones, how much is this, that, or whatever? But in those instances, me telling him, Oh, just look for the joys. Like you mom, yeah, we're running, we're running late, right? And like, I'm so I'm kind of getting a little annoyed, and I'm telling him, and then he tries to hurry up, and then when he stands up, he hits his neck and it really hurts on his bunk bed. So, how am I supposed to say, find the joy when he's like gnarly pain, right? So that's that's that's where I get I this is where I'm starting to get stuck in two thoughts because I know and I've lived it and I see you can find and laugh at pretty much anything. But when there's somebody else that's going through it, if they're experiencing homelessness or if they're experiencing addiction, I don't think it's as easy to find joy in those moments when you really don't feel like you have somewhere safe to sleep. Right. No, like a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

And yeah, absolutely, you know, and I think back to when, you know, I was going through everything, you know, in my family when um, you know, when my daughter was ill and the whole thing. And it's like, if somebody had told me exactly what I had just said, you know, a second ago, I would have been like, fuck all the way off, all the way off, right? So, you know, I think it just kind of depends on where you're at, where your mentality is, like what your state of being, where your state of mind is, you know, it's like for me, I know that I had to go through a certain level of bullshit, you know, and like, you know, realizing I'm angry 24 hours later, right? You know, that type of thing. Um, because that's what helped lead me to the point where I am right now, you know. I can't speak to anyone else because I I'm not anyone else, right? Like all I know is just what works for me, you know. In and then we're talking specifically on this topic about like little things, you know, you've you're running late, and then you know, whatever, you stub your toe or just whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

Well, it and I think it starts going into um the Raz. And I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I like trying to remember, remind myself, it's something I learned in like the hypnotherapy, it's reticular activating system. So um, for instance, like when we came up with the name for this podcast and we use the word unhinged in weirdos, I am starting to see the word unhinged and weirdos everywhere, like just everywhere. So, how much is that it's already there, or how much is it now that I've trained myself to look for that? Um, and and the same thing is like, you know, when you love a certain car and you start seeing that car on the road all the time, it doesn't mean that there's more of those cars all of a sudden. It just means like that's where you're training your attention to go. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

And as we are the creators of our own universe, yeah, that's just gonna, it's just gonna come up and be in your little in your view all the time.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So again, it's an individual journey. I think so much of this, because if some asshole tried to tell you how to fucking feel, I don't know about you, but that is one thing that still fucking lights me up. If someone's like, Oh, you're shutting down, or oh, you're so angry right now, and I'm like, you're you want to see how angry I can fucking get?

SPEAKER_02 36:56

Oh my god. You know what? Okay, there was one time I was going through the airport and I was in New York, and my driver's license fell out of my what all the things I was holding, right? And um, it fell and it was like underneath like the little x-ray machine or whatever, and I'm like, shit, and I'm running late and the whole thing. And the guy at the x-ray machine, you know, with the little what a scanner or whatever, he's like, calm down, lady, like that. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so calm now. Thank you. That really worked. I'm feeling so calm. Wow, you've really shown me the light, sir. You know, no, I'm like, I'm not gonna give me my get my fucking thing. I'm late for my flight. Like, you know, calm down, you know. Plus, he's yelling it at me, right? You know, so I'm like, I just I laughed about it, I can laugh about it now, but like at in that moment, I'm like, I want to punch you. I want to punch you and eat a bag of dicks. Yeah. And I need my driver's license so that I can continue on my way. Kind of important, you know.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Good sir.

SPEAKER_02 37:54

Good sir. I bid thee a fond farewell, right? And fuck you.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Yeah, no, I I think it is, I think, you know, um, I think a lot of this really does circle back to like finding a way to laugh, even if it's not actually laughing at what's going on, but just finding a way that you can watch like a show that brings that like a smile to your face, like that can kind of start tricking your brain into like, okay, things are gonna be okay. Like, this isn't gonna last forever. And I don't think laughing is necessarily an avoidance. I think it's like um it's a way just to process, right? I know I'm kind of like circling back, but I'm thinking like, so we're laughing right now in the moment you didn't want to laugh, you wanted to punch the guy and you needed your fucking ID. But how much better does it feel now telling the story and laughing instead of reliving that moment of going through and sitting in the anger?

SPEAKER_02 38:55

Well, you know what? Those yeah, I mean, that was a distinctive moment for me because first off, I love the New York accent, right? And this guy was full New York, right? And so it was like one of those distinctive moments that, like, anytime I hear that accent, I love it. And it like kind of like my brain's like, oh, yoink, what is this? Right. And but I was already running late, and now I've had this additional, you know, glitch, you know, this wrench thrown in my plans, you know. So yeah, it was like a bunch of things all at once, and I'm like, I don't know what to do with it. So yeah, it's it's laugh or cry. Like, either way, you're gonna have to get all those emotions out, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

So that's my body. That a hundred percent. And it's it's easier to laugh and refuse to let the pain become your identity. Um, and you get to own the story and you get to own the shit.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

You know, one thing, like whenever I kind of rabbit hole or I, you know, I'm I'm talking through some things like this, it's like I have to be very mindful about the words that I'm saying because I know how powerful of creators we are, right? So I always kind of think about that when I'm trying to die when I'm diving into when I'm heading down towards dive, you know, into um worst case scenario, that type of thing, right? It's like, wait, stop. Is this something I want to experience? Do I want to experience this worst case scenario? No, I don't. I do not at all. I want to experience the opposite. And so then I like really kind of consciously train myself to, well, what is the opposite of this worst case scenario? What is the best case scenario? You know? Yes. And then that just really kind of helps neutralize the situation. And it's like, and it reminds me again of that moment when I was in Bapashano, right? Like, I get to choose. I get like the circumstance is neutral. Like anytime you come across anything, traffic or whatever it is, it's it's a neutral event. It's what you do with it and the meaning that you make out of it, right? Again, when I'm in the height of my trauma and all this other stuff, and yeah, you know, I just found out my mom's incredibly ill and terminally ill, and my daughter's on her way out, like that whole type of thing. It's like a little bit harder. Not a lot of room for like joking and levity and you know, all that type of stuff. Because it's like for things like that, you do have to sit and process that. And yeah, I was in survival mode, so that that was you know, I was pretty low on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? Like, I was just I was barely, I was barely there. So I didn't have time for any leverty, levity or processing or any of that type of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

So bringing it back to Farty McFarterton, like okay, it's fucking annoying, but farts can be funny. And smelly, he was gross, yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. Well, yeah, so I get to choose. Yeah, and I don't think it's necessarily that like life's supposed to get a ton easier, right? I think you just like eventually realize the ridiculousness of it all. Like, I think uh especially working in government work now, right? Like it's so fucking mind-numbing at times. I can see the hilarity in all these asinine people that I work with. And it's just fucking funny.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it does get easier because once you know, it's like you find yourself not taking those those same things that used to trigger you so seriously, right? And so that does get easier, you know, it's like you're still gonna hit hit traffic, you're still gonna have that same sibling that you're gonna squabble with, you still have the same boss that's gonna feed you some bullshit, right? Like, but yeah, like you said, like laughing at it and being okay with it, it, it, it lightens that whole thing. And you can recognize that oftentimes people are projecting if they're gonna be like pounding pounding on you, right? Like it's like, okay, six-year-old you never got you know to play on the swing set when it was your turn, and so now it's my fault, right? Like that the printer won't work, right? Like that type of thing, you know. But it's like recognizing that, you know, obviously with mindfulness of you know, you are doing the ethical thing, you are doing the right thing, and and all that type of thing, right? And having somebody who's still going to come at you about one thing or another, that's kind of on them. Like they get to choose if they want to be angry or not, they get to choose if they want to be loving or not, you know, they get to choose if they want to be kind or not, you know. Like we all get that. And it's like finding humor in that, it just lightens everything up. You know, I'll tell you another quick little story. There was one time um I was with a friend of mine, and now I was um working in New York, and my husband was back home in California, and I was um with another colleague of mine, also named Carrie, and um we were walking around New York, and I had gotten in this big squabble with my husband. And um, I just took a second, and after I hung up with him, I just kind of sat down on like a window ledge or whatever, and I'm just like, huh. And I'm just crying. And, you know, Carrie, she's there, and she's such a caring friend and really helping me through the thing. And she's like, Oh yeah, you know, oh, I'm so sorry, and that sucks. And you know, here's what we can do, and whatever. And I'm like, Yeah, thank you. And then she just was quiet for a second, and then she goes. Also, you're a big fat fucking cry, baby. And I just and I just started busting out laughing. Cause it was just like, I mean, her timing was perfect, and it was completely unexpected. And you know, it just really like brought some light to the entire thing. And I'm just like, oh my god, I I I will never forget that. And that was 20 years ago, right?

SPEAKER_00 44:24

And it it shows the importance of being around the right people.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

Right? Yeah. Because some people would take that opportunity to shit on the ex-husband and like just dump into that rage and like fucking spark that fire, right? And instead, right, she's offering compassion and then fucking laughter, which laughter is the best fucking medicine, right? It really is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

So well, you know, I trust people to have the right, the proper judgment, right? To like when what things are laughable and what things aren't, you know, like be a proper. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Yes. Um, so what are your final thoughts for all of this? And summarizing biggest takeaways, advice you'd give.

SPEAKER_02 45:10

Um I would just say, just really start seeing how what you know, what is the opposite of the anger that you're feeling, right? Like, what is the most joyful way that you can do this? You know, it's like, okay, you were really looking forward to that coffee and you spilled it all over yourself. It's like, well, you know what? Maybe that coffee was poisoned. I don't know. You know, even though I made it myself right now, you know, it's like, I don't know. Maybe something fell in there magically. I don't, you know, whatever it is. Or I don't know, whatever it is. Like, find some kind of like humorous. Maybe a little elf came by and like sprinkles some kind of little whatever in there that's not exactly good for my health, you know. Like you can you can find some kind of something that can, you know, allow you to say this just wasn't meant for me. And that's okay. Because there's always more. There's you can always make more coffee. You can always go get a coffee. You can always whatever, whatever. And you know what? You're not gonna die if you don't have your coffee right now. You know, you really aren't. You probably aren't. I'm not a doctor, but you're probably not going to die if you don't get your cup of coffee right now. I cannot make that diagnosis officially, but that's my point. Don't sue me.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

No, yeah. I think I think for me, the biggest thing is like it's not waiting for life to get easy to find your joy because life's always gonna do. It's like, how do I find my joy in even the fucking chaos? Like, how can I live in the eye of the storm and watch the whole hurricane going on around me, but be in this beauty instead of fucking being in the hurricane and just being lost in the chaos? And it's just something, yeah. And I think it's something too. I think um trying to find a little bit more compassion and understanding for myself and for others. Um, but also I'm also equally as comfortable with there are some fucking asshats in this world that I just don't fuck with. And if they're energy, yeah, double fucking thumbs down. So I don't need those asshats. I'm gonna look for the people that I can fucking laugh at the dark humor shit that you know will hold me accountable. And at the end of the day, I'm left feeling more joyous being in their company than drained.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

I think that's a huge component of it, right? You know, and it's like I was thinking too of like you write a big long paragraph, you know, whatever by text, and somebody writes back, okay. You know, or people, you know, would like you you write them an email and you're asking, you know, all these questions that you need answers, and they that you need answers to, and they only answer the very last question. And it's like, oh god, that's frustrating, but it's okay. Like, I'm gonna, I'm always gonna have the resources I need, I'm always gonna have the information I need, I'm always gonna know how to do or solve or get through whatever. And it's like for that person that just says, okay, to my text or my email or whatever, I'm like, okay, that's the lesson for me where I don't need to invest that much effort in somebody that's either not willing or not capable or too busy, or I mean, maybe they've got their own like fuckery like going on in their life. Like maybe they've got some heavy stuff in their life going on that just my my contribution or my interaction is just far too much for them, you know. Yeah, so I mean, you never know, you don't know what people are going through, and they might be going through something that's absolutely horror horrendous, atrocious, you know, or they could be step-sats, you don't know, yeah, or incompetent, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:46

All of those can be true at the same time, and so therefore, instead of us worrying about other people's fucking heads and trying to get our crystal balls right, we can fucking go within and get our own houses in order. Yes, yeah, yeah. So, with that, we say stay self-aware, stay a little unhinged, and remember, life is always gonna hand you inconveniences, detours, and moments that make you want to throw your hands in the air or give double fingers down. Don't but don't let them steal your joy. Do not all right, thank you, weirdos. Oh, and of course, if you liked what you heard, we would love your support, like, share. We're here for you. We'd love to hear from you. Um, and we have something exciting that we're gonna announce in like an episode or two. We're gonna have like a little giveaway, so stay tuned for that. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 49:43

Alrighty, weirdos. Later. Until next time.