When You Grow, Not Everyone Gets to Stay

Have you ever started healing… and suddenly your circle got smaller?

In this episode, we dive into the uncomfortable truth not many talk about...growth can cost you relationships. As you evolve, your friendships don’t always come with you, and that doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means something is changing. Our outer relationships reflect the inner work and current mindset we are in. 

We explore the difference between friendships that fade naturally and those you consciously outgrow, the role of self-love in what you tolerate, and how your “vibrational match” shifts as you do deeper inner work. From one-sided relationships to soul-aligned connections, we unpack what it really looks like to let people go with gratitude instead of guilt.

We also talk about:

• Why some friendships feel draining (and what that’s telling you)
• How healing exposes imbalance and lack of boundaries
• The difference between transactional vs. supportive relationships
• Why losing people can actually mean you’re on the right path

This episode is your reminder that not everyone is meant to stay in your life, and that’s okay.

Some people are here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The key is knowing when it’s time to let go, to make space for different.

Stay self-aware, stay a little unhinged… and trust that what’s meant for you will stay.

💫 Email us at theunhingedintuitives@gmail.com for questions, comments, or topic requests, we would love to hear from you!

🌿 Work with Jane-Marie: www.transformativehealings.com

✨ Follow, rate, and share if this resonated.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever started healing and suddenly your circle of friends gets really small? Well, no one tells you this, but healing can cost you relationships. I'm Carrie. And I'm Jane.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Together we are your intuitive weirdos. Welcome to Unhinged, the Intuitive Weirdos, the podcast for people doing the inner work while still very much being human.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Here we will explore deep topics that encourage our growth and mental health. No gurus, no dogma, just navigating through life's asteroids while trying not to spill your coffee on your morning commute. Just exploring with curiosity where we fit into the whole cosmic puzzle.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Today we're going to be going over just slightly a little different. Instead of a card pull, I wanted to channel a message. And the channeled message, the question was around what does the collective need to know about aligning friendships with our highest spiritual path right now? And what came through was the only thing one needs to know about friendship is that the tighter we hold on and identify with, it can be at the expense of losing ourselves. Friendships are meant to enhance who we are and help us grow. That is why it is for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When friends show up, be grateful that they are here. And when they depart, thank them for the lesson. Everything in life is fluid, and it is about the lessons that we learn along the way. So we were talking kind of how that resonates for every stage of my life, certainly. Oh, a hundred percent. And the more I have looked at people from my past with gratitude, and like I the more I can see why they were there for the ones who have departed. And for me, I mean, I think I've told you this, I have cut off people very easily in my life. Um, I do it less harshly the older I get. I still am okay. Um, the last time was in my 40s. I had a ceremony that just showed me a lot of outdated friendships, and it really gave me a different eye-opening perspective of who I currently had in my life that no longer deserved to have access to me.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Right. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's some powerful stuff. You know, I think about it too. It's like I never really um had had to cut off a lot of people, you know, every once in a while, you know, I would have to, but for the most part, it just seemed that people just kind of came in and then just we would have this, you know, whatever type of friendship relationship, and then it would just kind of like naturally fade out, you know? So it's a very different um dynamic than how it worked for you.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Yeah. So you're saying you would more so like each of you would just kind of stop talking to one another gradually, like nothing happened, no big event, no words were said.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

I noticed, well, yeah, they just got like they would come on like hot, right? Like I'd meet them in school or just I don't know wherever I'd meet them, right? And they would just like come on in and just like be attracted to whatever you know it is about me that you know they felt attracted to. And then we develop this friendship because I'm not gonna turn anybody away, right? You know, or for the most part. And um, then we have this relationship, and then they just kind of like get what they need, I guess, and then just kind of fade away. And it's like I never pushed them away or was just like whatever, but it's like, I don't know if it was because I don't know. I I feel like it's because I when I look back at it now, I think it's because I reflected to them what they needed to see. I don't know. There was some kind of something there that I reflected that they just kind of gravitated to for some reason or another, you know, whether they liked it or not, you know. And I don't know, I I can't speculate as to why they would fade away, but it's like, but I understand why when I look back at it now and see how their personality is versus how mine is and what that might have been. But I again that's just a you know a assumption on my part. You know, I'll never know because I don't speak to them anymore.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

You didn't you didn't ask for any exit surveys.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Five-star service, five-star friendship. But it's like, but I noticed like throughout my entire growth too, that I needed them in my life just as just as much, right? Because they did reflect little aspects of me like that I was able to kind of go through. But it really, um, I don't know. And this sounds very strange to say, but I a couple of the relationships that I'm thinking of, I feel, you know, I was close with these people, yes, but I feel on some part that I was kind of detached, like I was like watching the friendship develop and then and then go away. You know, it's kind of like a parent watching a child just kind of like go through a phase of just this is their favorite toy, and then then it's not, right? Like it, it's like I was watching their growth and development through the friendship, and then they exit and then they're just they just kind of move on, you know? So it's like it was like a like an amusing type of observational type of friendship, right? Yeah, and that's so I've noticed that there's been a few of those, you know, a good handful enough to for me to notice, right? Um, but then I do also have friendships that um have been, you know, 30, 30 years, you know, 40 years, which is which is amazing as well. So um, and then I've got shorter, you know, term friendships of well, but it's it's all amazing people, you know, and I've in my growth now, I am very comfortable with my friend group. And with everything that I've been through and everything that I've been reflecting on, um, the people that I surround myself with now um reflects the work that I've done. And it's it's absolutely incredible. And I I I love it. It's just, I just have the best people around me and it's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

So getting to the topic and kind of on that point, for the friendships, because you do have some that have expanded, you know, several decades. What has friendships looked like pre like getting into really healing yourself, getting into the deeper inner work? Like, have you noticed that at a certain point there was some catalyst for friendships starting to change and who you associated with? Like, do you still have friendships just out of um time? Like you've been friends for super long and and maybe they're more of acquaintances at this point, but you still have love for them? Or do the friendships have they always remained the same uh pre and post like getting into the deeper work?

SPEAKER_00 6:31

So the biggest catalyst for me is stuff that I went through in my 20s when I had three family members die all at one time. I remember sitting there in my living room, just I just in despair, right? Trying to live. You know, um, I would set a timer on my clock and I would just say, all I have to do is live for five minutes. That's it, and I couldn't do it, right? And then I would think, I remember thinking, there have been people that have been through far worse things than this, and they come through it and they thrive and they're happy. Like there has to be more than this. There has to be. And once you pose that question, you know, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, right? And so when I started posing that question, this woman who and who was a client, she's 10 years older than me. And um, I still know her, you know, very well today. And she was the one that just kind of helped guide me into the whole um spiritual aspect, whole, you know, just just this whole inquiry of what does this mean to you and how can you deal with it, and you know, that type of thing. So she really helped me um explore those steps into into that type of stuff. And so that I'm so grateful, so grateful for her. And I still know her and I travel with her and all that kind of stuff. So that's she's yeah, she's just absolutely amazing, you know. So there's that. And then I've also noticed whatever phase I'm in is whatever people will come to me and just kind of be in my circle, right? It's it's like one of those things like what, you know, the mind, the eye can only see what the mind is ready to perceive, right? And you can't see anything outside of that. And that's gonna draw those those types of people to you, you know, wherever you are is where you're gonna is is is who's gonna find you, the whole birds of a feather type of thing, right? And then I notice like once I grow out of that phase or I have another revelation or some insight about me, that's another um thing that would kind of cause, you know, these people to just kind of like fade out because I'm no longer a vibrational match for them. So, you know, a no harm done, you know, no harm, no foul. There's no animosity or like meh, fuck off, you know, type of thing like that. But it's just like it's just this, this has just come to its natural end, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

So yeah. So pre, I would say like my 20s, especially, that was like the fuck off period for me, right? You know, like fuck, like fuck this shit. Um, in my 30s, I started to kind of like chill the fuck out, but I also was a mom, and I I attribute being a mom, like it really um sped up me searching and healing myself when I became a mom, and it also chilled me the fuck out. And then I would say, like, in my 40s, I do see what you're saying. Like, even with that ceremony that I had when I was like, oh my god, like these are the people I no longer want to associate with. There were no words, there was no one moment with a big blowout. It was just, I'm not gonna talk contact this person, I'm not associating with this person, and they did, they just faded away. There was no blowout, right? Yeah, and I can see also like in my 20s, I had a dear friend in college. She was like in the same major, we hung out, she helped me get my first job out of college, and you know, we did have a blowout, and I it was definitely fuck you energy. And in my 30s was when I realized, like, and I was able to reflect back, like, fuck, she's an awesome person. I was being a huge dick in that situation too. You know, and I and I called her up and I apologized to her. Um, and it was so cool because she did welcome me with open arms and like we still talk, right? Like, we don't we don't really see each other very often. I think the last time I saw her, both of our kiddos were super young. But I am grateful for some of those people from my past. Like they still are in my life in a very like, you know, we'll reach out every once in a while and say hi. But like you, I do find that the people that I have right now all tend to be people, women mainly, that are on the same path as me right now, like very into spiritual healing, energy work, talking about shit that really makes us think, and and you know, surrounding myself with friends like you who's who won't let me sit in my own bullshit, like will call me out, right? And like welcome, yeah. Well, you'll ask the hard questions, right? And like, you know, my my really great dear friend, she's one of my best friends, and and we met in San Diego, and and she she and I used to practice Reiki together, and we still do, but you know, she's moved out of San Diego now. It's these friendships that at any point in time I can call if I'm having a hard time or a situation, and they won't feed into my bullshit. They'll offer support when support is warranted, or they'll push me to think beyond where I'm stuck.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yeah, that's absolutely perfect. And it matches, and I love it that it matches where you're at right now, you know. So, and it's just I love it because when I look back, it's like upward and onward, you know, every day is just better and better and better and better and better. And it's like, and if every single day is the very best day, then it just kind of blows my mind how, you know, in another 10 years, in another 50 years, how much more fucking amazing can it be? It's and it's going to be that way. And it's like, you know, just it's awesome. Just being surrounded and having that love and the support. The support is the biggest um issue for me that I really appreciate nowadays, you know, because the contrast that I had from the days when I didn't really have so much support um to what I have now is just, it's just so well, it is, it's a reflection of how I feel about myself too, right? Like it's a lot more loving, a lot more gentle, a lot more tender, a lot more supportive. And it's like when I was able to really start to cultivate that for myself, and I didn't realize um how much I was lacking in that department, you know, and that was a very big shock to me when I was just like, oh shit. Like it's pretty arid and dry up in like the friendship part when it comes to myself, right? It's like I will bend over backwards for all of my friends, but it's like I I have to do that for myself, right? Yeah. And then once I started doing that, then that's when like I really started forming this really beautiful group of really good friends that I have now.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

So and I think it is that radical self-love component that also kind of naturally changes our friendships. Because for instance, um, uh a chick that I was I knew for decades had gotten pregnant before I was pregnant, and you know, the father wasn't really in the picture, and I just remember like I was there emotional support to help. I would drop everything and I was offering. And then a year and a half later, I got pregnant, I had my kiddo, and when I broke up with my kiddo's father, she was nowhere to be found, and I I would give I would give a lot of excuses for her, like, oh, she's a single mom, she's having it hard, blah blah blah. Now looking back, I so were you, yes, but that was I wasn't loving myself enough to be like, no, this just isn't a great friendship, like it's not it's not a supportive friendship, it was definitely a one-way friendship that was on me, but I also see the part where I didn't love myself enough to realize that I too deserved support, and so I couldn't everyone ask for help, yeah. I no longer wanted the friends that didn't offer, especially when I'm in a similar boat and they're nowhere to be found.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Yeah, no, absolutely, you know, have had uh plenty of those as well. You know, it's like in my 20s when everything just went south very rapidly for me. Uh, first off, there was not a lot of people my age that could relate or understand, right? And um I don't I really don't think that there was. There was just that that one friend that I was speaking about earlier that she's just she hadn't had a similar experience, but she understood, like on a more grand, like uh spiritual, universal uh from from that aspect what I was going through. So she was able to just like really like zoom out and just like really see, she was able to get like a bigger, like global picture of like this is the pain. Like she maybe she didn't understand my pain specifically, but she understood that this is absolutely massive, right? Yeah, and she was the only one that ever was able to just like I get like I don't understand it, but I get that you are going through the shit right now, you know. Whereas other people are just like, oh well, okay, all right, well, um, so can you still pick up my kid after school and take him to soccer practice? And whatever, and I'm like, I forgot how to brush my teeth, literally. And you're asking this of me. I, you know, and it's like I didn't know to say no because I I'm just going through this, and this is something that there's nothing I could do about it. And I didn't know that there was any other way about it. And I couldn't recognize even that other people were like taking advantage or yeah, that it was a one-way one-way street, a one-way relationship, right? So um, and it finally took me, I mean, a long time to just kind of really examine these relationships and just be like, huh, uh, this this doesn't seem really fair. Like this is this is very one-sided, and uh this is uh it's a parasitic relationship, and uh, you know, but then once I have those recognition, that other person just naturally just kind of fades away and falls off because they're like, oh, been found out, I'm just gonna sneak away now, you know, type of thing. So yeah, it's it's it's been a fascinating ride.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Well, and it I think it goes back to the vibrational match too. So, like, what if it is because I mean, all I think all relationships, romantic or friendship, platonic, they are there for teaching us lessons, right? They're there, they're there to be a mirror for shit we're not seeing within. Um, they're there to uh foster us and get us to grow. And and it's interesting the more I view it in that way, how the dynamics have changed. And I'm able to look at people differently because I see it now more as, oh, this was to help me ultimately. And it's okay, I don't need to be sad that this person's not in my life anymore. I'm grateful that they helped me get to this point.

unknown 17:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Yeah, no, absolutely. That's the way I look at it as well, you know, because I am grateful for every relationship that, you know, just kind of faded off or you know, however it ended, because it it I gained something from every single person. And the theory that I subscribe to is that universally when we have like every single person is some type of reflection or splinter of ourselves to some degree, right? So it's like you've got your grand over soul, but then I've split that into you know 10,000 people. So there's 10,000 people maybe on this planet that are a splinter of me. And I may or may not run into any of them, right? And maybe I do, and maybe those are the ones that I just you know bumped, you know, heads with like immediately, right? You know, who knows? I don't know, you know, but um I don't know where I was going with this. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

So just no worries. Just the the I mean, it goes through though, like I think that shows when we find our people and you have that natural connection with. I think that is when we get into the deeper work, right? Like the friendships where it is a true equal give and take, not not in a like I'm taking you know, inventory not a transactional thing, not not transactional, not at all, but give and take in the sense of helping us grow, right? Like just to push us, I think that for me has been the biggest change with like finding spirituality and getting deeper. And the more I do the inner work, the more it allows those deeper friendships, like all right, let's level up and let's let's let's really push the box here. Because I think previously when you talked about boundaries, I didn't have boundaries because it was hard, and I think that ties back to self-love. And then two, when you don't learn how to communicate in a healthy way, if you're upset and angry, but you let it boil, like there's so many, there's so many things that tie into friendship and relationships, and then the communication part, like it is, it's all of that coming together. And I know I'm kind of rambling right now, but I'm thinking, I think that's partly why there was a lot more tension in my youth and my early 20s, because I didn't know who the fuck I was and I didn't know how to communicate my wants and my needs. And the older I get, the more I'm comfortable knowing exactly who the fuck I am. But I also don't find my boundaries being pressed as much because the people I align myself with wouldn't even try to overstep a boundary.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Right. Exactly because of the growth that you've done, the work that you've done, the introspection and the reflection and the pain and sitting in your own dirty diaper bullshit, right? Yes. And uh yeah, no, absolutely. One thing that I've really um come to recognize and appreciate nowadays is just the unconditional aspect of these friendships, right? Um, you know, it's like I've had friendships where people, I could feel that it was kind of an energy drain and they just kind of liked it. And then I still kind of know people on the periphery, right, who um do enjoy, you know, my energy without really I don't want to say donate, you know, without reciprocating, without, you know, and again, not transactional. No. Because in an but it's like when I recognize and see how this or that person is with that type of energy, like I just want to be around your energies just because it feels good and I don't want to do the work for myself. That's no, you don't have access to that. Like you don't, you don't get to just like leech and take and like I'm just gonna steal a little crumb because you can afford it, right? Right. Like that's not that's not how this works. It's like in my circle, it's so very cultivated that I'm bringing my a game because I love me so much that I'm able to bring my a game to everyone else in my circle. And when I was giving my a game to everyone else that was not reciprocating, that was a huge drain on my energy and my time until I finally figured it the fuck out. And I'm just like, oh, that's parasitic. That's lack of boundaries. That's um, you know, why am I doing this? Like, why am I giving and giving and giving? And like I'm giving 90 and receiving 10 again, not transactional, but the imbalance is was was not right, you know, and it's like when You have this unconditional friendship and support that I have now, it's non-transactional by default. Yeah. Like, and it's like you don't even, it's not even a it's not even a thing, right? Like you don't even question any of that because it's like I know that people in my friend group um will support me no matter what. You know, like when we had um that one trip and I couldn't open the door, and I was just, I didn't realize until a little ways in that I was just having a full-on meltdown. And it's like the support that I received from from you and from all of our other friends was just amazing. I'm like, oh my God, I am allowed to have a human moment. I don't have to be fucking perfect and do everything all the time. I'm allowed to give this away. I am allowed to give it up. I am allowed to just be held. You know, I am allowed to be supported, you know? And that was just such an amazing eye-opening thing because that was probably truly one of the first times, especially in a group setting like that, where I had experienced something like that. And it was just, it was amazing. Yeah. Like surrounded by people who just were not judging. And they're like, girl, seriously, like, you know, accidentally, shut up. You know, we got this.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Like, go take a nap. And also, like on the flip side of that, fucking sit down and sit in this shit. Feel whatever the fuck you need to feel because it's not us. We're all good. Um, and I think that transactional piece that we were talking about, I view it really as am I gonna leave spending time with someone and feeling fucking drained energy-wise, like depleted, or am I gonna feel the same if not better after hanging out? And that's that transaction that I think about now because there there are energy vampires out there, and they don't necessarily mean to be. Um, but I have definitely found, you know, I've I've had comments made to me before, like, oh, you're a very closed-off secretive person. And that, yeah, that's caught me by surprise. And I had to sit and think about it. And my, and what I realized was I just don't waste my fucking time. If I'm gonna sit there feeling fucking judged or like we're not on the same wavelength with certain things, I'm not gonna fucking open my mouth because I don't have the time to waste that energy anymore. And it's not me being secretive because I know I can be a very open fucking book, it's the situation.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Yeah, that's that's so bizarre. You know, whenever I hear a little assessment's like, I'm like, I there that's the last thing that I would think of you is that you're closed off. And I'm like, what? Like that doesn't resonate at all. But you know, it's I've kind of gotten the same thing of just like um that I'm standoffish or um kind of stuck up type of thing. Like I've gotten that. So I'm like, the fuck, like I'm the easiest person to talk to.

unknown 24:59

Like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 25:01

So I I think it's twofold. I think it's a mirror of their own shit that's being projected on, and I think it's the fact that I love that I'm a little bit fucking weird. I love that I don't feel the need to fucking fit in. So if that is what is coming off as standoffish, because I am not playing a part and I don't like fake pleasantries and I don't like fake small talk, then okay. You know, but you want to start talking about fucking planets or you know, some fucking crazy far out there conspiracy theory, I will jump into that. You want to talk about like the t-shirt you're wearing? I'm sorry, I'm probably a little less engaged.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

Oh my god, I am so with you. You know, and it's like I think, like, as I've been morphing through whatever phases I've been morphing through over my life, it's like I recognize more and more how many people are still kind of in the society grind, right? Like they've had that education just like crammed into them of like, oh, well, you have to go through um this stage of life and you have to go do through this, you have to go through college, and then you get married, and then you have kids, and then you did that. Like you have to follow, you do a nine to five or whatever, whatever. And it's like I've never been that person, right? Like I've never, you know, I conformed obviously enough to just, you know, not get arrested or whatever, right? But for the most part, like I'm not gonna go work indoors in a cubicle from nine to five under fluorescent lights. Like, I that's not, I can't. I fucking cannot. And I never did. Like I've never done that. I've always been self-employed because I want to dictate what's going on in my life. And it's like, I think, right? So, um, and I think that scares a lot of people, yeah. Like, because there's a lot of safety in conforming, right? Like that's where, you know, not only, you know, in a monetary sense, but also in a community sense, right? It's like um that's in any community where you can fit in, um, sometimes you're gonna have to shrink yourself. You're gonna have to not express yourself truly or fully, or it's like, you know, you and your group of bros or you know, girlfriends or whatever, like they all have this one idea about, I don't know, men are all the same, no, no, no, no, but you're like, well, no, you know, there's some good ones out there. Like my brother is great and my father is great and whatever, whatever. And it's like, no uh, they're all just you don't know that they're not blah, blah, blah, dah. You know, it's like, you know, and the more you express that opinion, depending on your base and your understanding of your own value, how much are you gonna fight back? Right. It's like, are you going to uh um sifle your opinion in order to fit into this group and be accepted? Or are you going to um just say, these are not the friends for me? Like these these are not friends that support my core values. Like which wins your core values or you wanting to fit in? You know, it's like how much are you requests?

SPEAKER_01 28:03

I'd rather have a community of two than a community of 100 that I don't feel like I could be myself. Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Well, I I figured that one out the hard way. Yeah, like it took me a lot of like folding and bending and you know, stuffing myself into a box and and all that type of stuff in order to, you know, gain what little you know acceptance or approval or support or you know, whatever, you know. Yeah. So yeah, when I finally stopped all that shit, I'm like, new, it's all happening on Planet Carrie right now, and uh everyone else can talk wherever they fit, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yeah, it's it's funny because even on a superficial um relationship just relating to people, uh, I used to have to have like, you know, I going to a social event, I used to have to have a drink or two because I was so socially anxious about the small talk. And now I found it's really funny, twofold. The more I've gone down this path of self-exploration and what everything means to me, and the more self-love I've had, I am very comfortable with who the fuck I am. And the older I get, like one beard kicks my ass, so I don't really drink anymore. So I find when I go to social settings now, I don't waste my time with the fuckers that I can just instantly on an energetical level realize I won't connect. Like I went to a birthday party of one of my sisters, and it's not something that's my jam. It was at a bar downtown, you know. Right. And we were talking, but I I met this group of people that were near us, and these people were awesome, like talking about the deeper shit instantly, right? Like strangers, strangers that I will never fucking see again. But we were talking about life work balance, and you know, I unfortunately I would love to have like I would love to work for myself, but I work in the exact fucking opposite. I'm in a government job, like totally like couldn't be the opposite of who my personality, yeah, yeah. Um, but we were talking about the bullshit of like you know, finding really work-life balance and like an extra 10 grand for a better title and no work-life balance, isn't worth it to me anymore. Um but just having this like instant deep connection and having so much fun and laughing, knowing I will never see these people again. And there was, I would say, 90% of the room that I would not connect with, and then even um my sister's uh my sister's friend's husband, who I've met like 15 fucking times, um, as we were leaving, like we finally go to talk to him and he goes, Oh, hi, and introduces himself again. And I don't know what it was a single drink that I just I just responded with, yeah, I've met you many times. Oh my god. I find it's funny because um relating to people in a way, I don't have the energy to be fake anymore. I don't have the energy to make myself small so someone else feels more comfortable. I don't care about fitting in with people that I don't fucking relate to. Um, and and I think that translates across all friendships, relationships, everything.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

Well, you know, it's yeah, it that guy, you know, who's just like, oh yeah, let me introduce myself on the 15th time. That's a the classic example of the I can only see what the mind can is ready to perceive, right? Yeah. And if you're resonating all the way up here and he's over on this side, there's no way he can't, he's just not gonna be able to register you, you know. And it's like that's another interesting thing that I found too, is that some people, like when they're kind of on the same track as me, they'll meet me and they're like, Oh my god, I tell me your entire life story. I need to know everything. How did you get here? What's going on? How what's happening? And then other people are just like, yeah, okay. Like they can barely look me in the eye, or they just like they don't even look me in the eye when they shake my hand to meet me, you know, type of thing. You know, it's like, okay, I'm just some like middle old, middle, middle-aged lady that's just kind of like uh not even a blip on the radar, right? Yeah, and I'm like, okay, then I know instantly those are not the people for me, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:24

And I don't I don't take that shit personal anymore. That is a me thing, exactly. That is a you thing, and I'm okay with that. Absolutely, yeah. And I'm I'm okay with making you feel like an ass if it's the 15th fucking time you've introduced yourself. I'm not I'm not gonna give you a fucking free pass anymore. I don't care that we don't relate, but I am gonna make sure that you know, hey dickweed, we've met literally at least 10 times before.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Oh my god, yeah, that's so hilarious. Um, I've actually had that happen a time or two, you know, with um, you know, my one friend would throw these amazing Christmas parties and, you know, all these other parties, and I'd go every year. And uh, she had this one friend um who always ended up there. And every year he's talking about how, you know, he and his brother used to go ride motorcycles through, you know, the fields in Spain, and it was amazing in the forests and the this and that, whatever, you know. And so um he was telling me this for probably like the fourth year in a row or whatever, you know, and he's just like, and he's like, Oh, hi, I'm John, let's just say, you know, and I'm like, oh yes, hi, John, I'm Carrie. You're the one who used to ride your motorcycle through the fields in the forests of Spain, aren't you? You know, and he's like, Oh, you know, and I'm like, Yeah, we've met, you know. So same thing. Like, I'm I'm not suffering any fools, you know. No, if you're that unaware, you can't even remember that you've met me, then you know, but on the same token, I'm sure there's plenty of people that I've met that a million times that I don't remember either, because you know, Swiss cheese for a brain over here.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

So totally, and they should call our asses out when we do that.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

Well, the thing is, I know that's how my brain operates. So if like somebody's like, Carrie, I told you this like six times already, I'll be like, Yes, I know, but it's probably not until like the eighth time or fifteenth time that it'll finally like sticks in my brain that that's how it is, even if I've known you for 20 years. So there.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

Yes, I know, but it's not important to me, so I'm not gonna remember it. That's kidding. Uh all right. So I mean, just kind of tying this all together, I think, in you know, as we start vibrating higher, the people that we resonate at, it might not it should. I don't think it should stay the same. I think if you are doing tons of self-development, if you still have all the same people in your life, I would question how deep are you going?

SPEAKER_00 34:41

Yeah, yeah. Um, absolutely, and there are friends like that one friend that helped me out in the beginning. Um, we still connect on that deep level because she's growing at the same rate, right? So that's the most important thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Yeah, but I but I don't think, and maybe some people have, but I don't see it being possible that all of the friendships that you have in your 20s, everybody grows at the same rate together, right? Yeah, and especially because I I feel like that period between your 20s to your 30s, I feel like that's the biggest like who I was at 20 and who I was at 30, like fuck, that was so different. But who I am at 40 isn't as big of a difference as who I was at 30.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

Yeah, yeah. Well, just wait till you hit 50 because that's when you look back and you're like, okay, now I really got it, right? Because at 20, you're just from 20 to 30, you're just trying, you're trying to figure out how to fit your childhood upbringing into the real world, right? And then in your 30s, who you are, right? Yeah, exactly. And then in your 30s, you're like, okay, all right, I got a little bit better handle on this. And so that's when all the experiences start happening to you, and you're like, oh, wait, I like this, I don't like this, I like this, I don't like this. And then in your 40s, you're like, got it. Yeah. In your 50s, whole nother level of this is this is how it actually works, right? And that's when a lot of the metamorphosis for internal metamorphosis comes around too. So, and that just really helps filter and you know, sift, you know, your your friendships and your groups and things like that based on your own on your own growth and development, you know, it's a continual process.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Yeah, and I also think in in my 40s, that's when the double fingers went off, like fuck everyone's opinion of me. Yeah, and I only imagine like there's more freedom in your 50s and 60s. Oh, absolutely. When you just like are totally unhinged, totally yourself, and like not giving a fuck about anyone else's opinion.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

No fucks given, man. I'm telling you, the 50s is the no fucks given era, yeah. And it's it's glorious. It's glorious and nobody gives a shit. And everyone's like, oh, crazy old cat lady. Sounds amazing. Yeah, exactly. Nonconformity is the tit. Living, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

Yeah, living on a thousand acres and just having a bunch of women that get to come and meet and live on my property with me, um, or not, even if I live by my property self and I'll just have like a farm of animals that just love me.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

It's a thousand acres. You don't have to see anybody if you don't want to. So exactly. So but you know what? I mean, those those who are meant to grow with you or be at that stage that you're in are gonna be there, whether you're in your 20s or your 70s, you know.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Yeah, and those those I think are very special relationships. And I think even the friends that we've lost, even if it was for a fucked up relationship, I can also view some of those as very special because they helped. I can see where growth came. Oh, absolutely. And if it weren't for having that person in my life through that moment, through that period of time, I know I wouldn't have the thoughts and the informed person who I am today.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Yeah. That applies to yeah, close relationships too, you know, like partnerships and things like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

I think I think romantic relationships just take this up an even bigger notch. Extra. Oh, yeah. Well, because then you're you're adding in intimacy and all the rest of it. Um, but sticking just back to the relationships, you know, I know we've stuck more to like on the friendship level or acquaintances. Um, I think just when we tie it back to spirituality, don't be afraid to grow. And if you're losing friends, thank them for the yeah, yeah. This journey, it's you know, we're meant to have bus stops along the way where we let some passengers off and some passengers get back on. Like that is that is a way.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

My favorite analogy for this is, and I've got a um, I've got a cousin that's kind of been going through this shift over the last year or two, and it's been fascinating. And um, she ended a very um, a very horrible relationship, um, you know, several a year or so ago. And all of the people in that little circle, or some of them are just, you know, and she was because of ending that relationship, she was able to see how all of her friendships were kind of similar, of a similar thread, right? Yeah. And um, she's like, oh my God, this like I broke off this um partnership, you know, um uh romantic relationship with this person. And I realized all of these friends are just kind of like along the same vein. And she's like, what is going on? Like what I'm like, it's all related because you are now no longer tolerating what you tolerated from that relationship, and now you're seeing it in every other um relationship, like throwing a rock in a pond, right? And it's like I told her, it's like it's like a mud puddle, right? Like you are coming out of this mud puddle, and these are mud puddle people. And they, as you're climbing the ladder out, they're grabbing your ankle and wanting you to come back down in the mud puddle. No, be here for me, be here because I need your energy. I need you to overwork, I need you to kill yourself so that I can skim and mooch off of your energy and your giving and your whatever, you know. And it's like, no, homie, like, don't do that. You take a nap and you say no, and you tell them to yeah. So and she's that's been interesting, fascinating to see her go through that phase.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

You you lose that mud puddle and it allows for less creatures into your life and more human beings.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Like, well, that's the whole thing. It's like you're stepping into a crystal clear, beautiful pond, right? And it's like you don't want mud puddle people in your beautiful pond, you know. So that's that keep your pond clean, people.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

A hundred percent. So, on that note, don't be afraid to grow, don't be afraid to change. Always, I think, look back and reflect. Like, where can you grow? How can you do different? But friendships, not all of them are meant to be forever. And the more work you do, don't be surprised if more people start falling off. And different, I would say better comes in.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Yes, they have to, they have to fall on like you if your cup is full, you know, with whatever with dirty coins, you can't add more on top of it. You have to pour that out in order to let the new good stuff in. So, yeah, if if if everything is fading, then it's it's a good thing. Yeah, fucking think it. Bye.

unknown 41:12

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

Yeah. So stay self aware, stay a little unhinged, and remember healing is not always pretty. There may be some casualties along the way, but the journey is always worth it.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

Yes, ma'am.