The Beliefs You Didn’t Choose (But Still Live By)

So much of who we are is shaped by beliefs we did not consciously choose.

In this episode, we explore the limiting beliefs that formed early in life and how they continue to influence the way we see ourselves, our relationships, and what we believe is possible for us.

We talk about how these beliefs were often created for a reason, to help us adapt, stay safe, or feel a sense of belonging. Even the beliefs that now feel restrictive once served a purpose.

This conversation is not about judging or fixing those parts of yourself. It is about understanding them. It is about recognizing the strength you developed because of what you have been through, and beginning to gently question what is still true for you now.

There is wisdom in what shaped you. There is also freedom in choosing what you carry forward.

💫 Email us at theunhingedintuitives@gmail.com for questions, comments, or topic requests, we would love to hear from you!

🌿 Work with Jane-Marie: www.transformativehealings.com

✨ Follow, rate, and share if this resonated.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm Carrie. And I'm Jane. Together we are your intuitive weirdos. Welcome to Unhinged, the Intuitive Weirdos, the podcast for people doing the inner work while still very much being human.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

We are two intuitive self-aware women navigating healing, motherhood, burnout, and the beautifully chaotic reality of life without the love and life filter.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

If you've ever felt a little too aware, a little too deep, or just slightly unhinged in a world that doesn't make sense, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Here we will explore deep topics that encourage our growth and mental health. No gurus, no dogma, just navigating through life's asteroids while trying not to spill your coffee on your morning commute. Just exploring with curiosity where we fit into the whole cosmic puzzle. Welcome, weirdos.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Hello, hello. Today we're going to be talking about inherited beliefs and strengths that grew from it. And when I think of this, I'm actually thinking some of the strengths are also the weakness for me. Okay. But on that note, let's start with our intuitive cards that we like to pull. And if you would like to go with your deck first, I'm ready with it.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Sterling. All right. So I've got the mystical shaman oracle card deck, which I absolutely love. And my question was what does the collective need to know for the next month? It's it's the first of the month today, it's April. Happy April Fool's Day, if that means anything to anybody. And so the card that I drew was, excuse me, Beauty Way. And so it says, the essence. The beauty way is both a path that you travel to travel on and a daily practice. The path is where you choose to perceive only beauty before you, behind you, and all around you as you journey through life. The practice is where you take action to bring beauty into every situation that you are in. When things get ugly, you act to bring integrity and peace to the difficult encounter. When everyone else perceives only darkness, you point out the light and help uncover the hidden treasures. So the invitation is the beauty way invites you to create beauty in your life and to recognize the beauty inside yourself and others. Stop to smell the roses, take a deep breath, look up at the stars, and recognize the splendor that surrounds you. See the beauty in whatever situation you find yourself in, and you will receive the lesson that life is teaching you in a kind and gentle way. I love that. I love that too.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

And I think the kind and gentle way, I mean, you and I have talked about this so much, right? Like we have beaten ourselves up so much in the past that that never works out. Not so well. At least I don't like it. Right. Or a way I've ever enjoyed. And so after 42 years of life, I'm like, why don't I start trying shit the easy way? That's a thing. Because I haven't fucking tried that one yet.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Oh no, that's perfect. That's that's exactly it. I mean, if you've been trying it for so long and it's still not working, then why do you keep doing it? You know?

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Exactly. Yeah. And just and knowing that we're pulling these cards, even though it is April 1st, Happy Fool's Day. Um okay, it's April Fool's Day. It's like Happy Fool's Day. That doesn't sound right. Um but even knowing like these messages are timeless, right? So, like whatever resonates with us, whether it's today or weeks from now, like these cards we're pulling in perpetuity for whoever it resonates with. Yes. So it's funny, I was going around and I was trying to decide which deck I was gonna use today, and I saw on the side of the box it said magical guidance from your spirit therapist. And I was like, Oh, that sounds awesome! I'm gonna grab that. And then as soon as I grabbed it out, my next thought was, oh shit, it's the tarot. And like I told you, I was like, you know, the tarot, I always kind of like hesitate because I don't feel like I'm proficient enough yet in reading it. And I was like, okay, so I grabbed a backup deck, and my question was, who would you be without the limiting beliefs and stories that you still hold on to? And the card that I pulled is the Ace of Cups. Oh yes, and the cups are all heart, they're where we feel our feelings, and as you know, that is something that I also struggle with having so much air and fire in my chart, and it's associated with an element of water, and so, like, just kind of sitting with that, and here's what the Ace of Cups in this guidebook says it says, looks like the bartender of heavens just served you a free compassion fruit colada. Check it down and enjoy the emotional fulfillment that follows. You might be starting a new relationship, likely, though not necessarily romantic. And this potion will help you give and receive with an open heart. Whatever the case, your cup runneth over with affection, purity, and beautiful new possibilities. Want to order another round? And then the affirmation that goes with it is my heart is wide open and love flows freely in both directions. I embody a level of sweetness that usually is only reserved for videos about interspecies friendships. And I I didn't even pull the second card because I was like, you know what? This is this is also like another thing. I mean, who would we be if we weren't holding on to the limiting beliefs, right? Like, who would we be if we had so much self-love and compassion that everyone else's bullshit didn't even land on us? Just rolls off, yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. And then I realized, all right, I can pull a tarot card whenever I feel like it.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

And the pull that you pulled um proves exactly that.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Oh yeah, it does. It always does. But you know what? That's what's so funny is I mean, I've been doing this now for like what 17 some odd years. Um and I do find that the self-doubt still creeps in. And like I always tell you, like, I still sometimes feel like I need to be perfect before I share it with somebody else. And that's the bullshit, and that's like why we're here, right? Like we're trying to fucking still dispel that within myself that I don't have to fucking be perfect, the intuition doesn't have to look like anyone else's, it's for me to define and use how I see it. Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

And whoever gets a valuable, you know, bit of information for themselves about that will find you. Like whoever needs you is gonna find you.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

That's just how it works.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yeah. So yeah, self-doubt. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

No bueno, man. So, and of course, you know, uh when we started thinking about these topics, I always go back to my hypnotherapy training, right? Right. And and if we go back to the theory of mine, you know, when you're born, the only thing you're born with is the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Everything else is a learned belief. Yeah, like it's conditioned into you. And from zero to nine, your caretakers, whoever your primary caretaker was, they inform all your beliefs. So all these beliefs from the age of zero to nine that still pretty much run your life today as an adult, if you aren't doing the deeper inner work to like who am I before those beliefs were put on me, that shit still applies. And then around the age of nine, you know, you get like reasoning, willpower, all the other things. But that gatekeeper of the critical mind kind of solidifies your like known positives and known negatives, and that's not even in like what's good for you and what's not good for you away. It's like if you if you grew up liking puppies, then you're gonna freaking love dogs all of your life. If you grew up at a in that formative age and you were bit by a dog, then you're gonna grow up with a fear, right? And that's your known negative, and so I love this because this is such a great topic. And so many of us run on autopilot and like our inherited beliefs. Like for me, the biggest ones I grew up, and I know I've said this before, but I was too emotional and too angry. I also think I had gnarly fucking anxiety, probably social anxiety growing up. Oof, yeah, yeah. And I think somebody telling you like who you fundamentally are at the core is wrong. I think then you feel like you're unworthy.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Oh, absolutely. Well, you know what? And then it's for me, I don't think it's so much inherited beliefs as it is what you picked up and you thought about it, right? Because, like you said, like children have to learn that birthday parties are fun and mice are scary, and you know, that type of thing, right? And it's like we learn all of these things, we absorb all of them. And so my take on that is like, what what beliefs did you absorb about yourself that you know that that came so early on that you never even questioned it, that it was just a part of you. So, what's your example? I got a couple. So for me, I thought it was I'm never gonna be smart enough. Like, no matter what I do, even if I put out my very best efforts, I am never gonna be smart enough. I'm never gonna attain like that level of, I don't know, I don't know it was an unattainable goal. Like I didn't even know what the finish line was, right? Like, I don't know how smart is smart enough. I just there was no gauge for that. It was just I will never reach it, is what I was what I picked up, right? So that was that was one part of it. And then another part of it would be that it was my job as a human, as a daughter, as a whatever girl in this world, that it's my job to only give and never receive, right? So my energy, my love, my physical labor, my mental labor, all of that stuff. Like it was, I just I just have to give. Like that's that's all there is to it. And that's my job. And so even though I had moments where I knew that this was not really fair and I'm not like, you know, it's like I was aware of all these things that it's not really fair and all this other kind of stuff, it's just like I didn't really think that, you know, it could be any different, right? Until I started doing the deep dive and all this kind of stuff. I'm like, wait a second, I don't need to tolerate this type of relationship. I don't need to tolerate, you know, this from an employer or a friend group or whatever it is. Like I don't, I don't need to take that, you know. So yeah, but that stuff was that's and that's like really crazy because you know, I was given just enough crumbs along the way to really, you know, make me hopeful that love is coming, you know, that type of thing, you know, support is coming, all that type of stuff. But it's just like, and I just you know, somebody would talk to me a bone here and there, and I'm like, yay, I win. And it's like I didn't know that the bar was so low that I was just like busting my ass for absolute fucking, you know, barely not anything, you know? And so that was that was a little disheartening to have to come to terms with, but like any shadow work, you do it and then and then you feel it and you deal with it and you heal it and then you move on with your life.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

So do you think a part of that, like putting everyone before you, is it because we had so much conditional love growing up?

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You know, it's like I never, you know, it's like any time that I got any attention, like my my one of my core wounds was neglect, right? So it's like any time that ever I ever got any attention when when I would fuck things up by like getting a bad grade, or um that was basically it, right? When I got something less than like an A, you know, or an A plus, then that was just like, why are you slipping? Like this is not good, like what's wrong with you, type of thing, you know? So it's like the rest of the time I was kind of left to my own devices. So it's like that was the only thing that I had to connect, you know, with my parents and my household and and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

So yeah, and it was what's so fascinating about that is now like this is the second time in us doing this that grades grades have come up. Yeah. And when's the last time you got a grade? Like 20 years ago?

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Oh no, last semester, because I've been going to college my entire life. So I just love taking classes, right? But no, but the thing is the whole whole point with grades is like that's the catalyst for my trying to connect, right? My trying to get the love, my trying to do something, perform in order to get, you know. But do you still feel that need to get an A? I kinda do. Okay. I kind of do, but I do, but for me, like it's now because I have nothing to prove to anybody now, except for like I take classes now because for my own sake, because I want to learn shit, you know. So and it's like I I get I happen to end up getting an A because I dive so deep into the work that I really want to study this topic so thoroughly that I really want to know it. And then I just I end up getting an A. So I don't know, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

So I'm a lifelong learner as well, but I got into the habit of seized get degrees. I don't know why. Like, unfortunately, that was my attitude in college, and I have found, you know, when I continue on with like different education, I still get A's and B's, but if I get a C, I'm like, whatever, D for done. I just like the learning for the learning bit because sometimes I'm like researching so many different topics that I don't have enough time to deep dive into one.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Okay, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I will tell you when I was going through my aviation classes, I had one teacher, he was the best teacher that I had had. Um, he's like, look, I I don't care if you know what grade you get on the test as long as you actually know your stuff. Because when you're up there and there's an emergency, nobody's gonna be like, Oh, did he get a C on his final?

unknown 14:08

Right?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Like, nobody is gonna question that. They want to know that you can get that plane on the fucking ground and everybody's in one piece, right? Like that's that's the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

I'm like, oh my god, yeah, exactly. On that note, like, do I want a doctor or a pilot that doesn't get A's?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Sorry. Well, you know, I mean, here's the thing, like you were saying, even a C minus doctor is still a doctor, you know?

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Yeah, so I don't know. And if I go measured off myself, I know shit, I just don't care about grades, so maybe they're anyways, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Well, that's a whole different topic, right? Like that's the whole met of metric for you know, just whatever.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Yeah, yeah. But coming back to the conditional love part, yes, or like I think that has driven a lot of the beliefs. Like, I do think fundamentally, because even I mean, being told that you who are too much or not enough, I think that does start conditioning to like ourselves to believe, like, fuck, am I even good enough? And if you can't fundamentally love yourself unconditionally, I think it's hard to bring in other healthy relationships, whether it's a friendship, a relationship, or even a working relationship. I think that unconditional love, that part probably is the biggest piece to most limiting beliefs.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Well, absolutely, because you're gonna reflect, like you're gonna draw to you what you what you put out, right? Like everybody is a reflector, you know, or a fragment of you to some degree, right? Like you find yourself butting heads with the same coworker over the same issues again and again and again, or you know, fill in the blank, right? Not coworker, sibling, parent, you know, what friend, whatever it is. Like you keep running against these same, these same types of problems with any relationship. There's obviously something in there for you to learn, right? It's like, and that lesson will show up through many different people, through a romantic partner, through a coworker, through a random stranger at the airport, through, you know, just whatever, you know? But there's always some kind of opportunity for you to take a look at that. But it's like, are we aware enough to even recognize that we are driven pretty much by our subconscious on just about everything, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Oh yeah. Yeah. And then, okay, so then on that note, like how long and what similar messages tied to this, like that needing that A, how did that theme play out in your life?

SPEAKER_00 16:35

So, you know, that it was that I had to perform, that I was always in a state of constant performance and giving, right? So it wasn't always performance, but it was also a lot of giving, giving, giving. It was a lot of emotional labor, a lot of emotional labor, a lot of mental labor, a lot of holding down the family, holding down, you know, all these different aspects of everything while everyone else, you know, in my relationships was just kind of like, la-da. All right, well, she's got it, so no need to worry about it. I'm like, I'm drowning. I'm drowning over here. I can't breathe. I'm suffocating. Like I can't, I need some help. Like, you know, but it's like anything that I would say, anytime that I would express that was not, you know, it was it was falling on deaf ears. And the thing is, the more I gave, the more retracted people got, right? Because they knew, oh, well, she's got it, so I don't need to put in any effort, right? So it's like the more I carried, the more just the less, the less they were there, you know?

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

And finally I was just like, I get to put this shit down. Like, I don't need to carry all this. And when I really got to a point where I was able to examine these relationships in my life, it's like, unfortunately, I can no longer maintain this relationship, right? And that's painful, right? Because you don't want to, I don't, I didn't want to end, you know, relationships. I usually don't, you know, there's got to be some really good reason why I wouldn't want to. But when it comes down to my mental health, my emotional health, my physical health, I have to take care of me. You know, I can't pour from an empty cup, right? And having having taken care of myself, there's gonna be there's gonna be leftovers, like somebody's gonna get hurt somewhere, right? When you take care of yourself. And that is unfortunate, but I I'm sorry. So I have to take care of me.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yeah, that is something I realized in my 40s, and I was doing a ceremony, and all of a sudden, all these realizations of friendships in my life that just felt very one-sided. It was always me giving, or when I came into times that was kind of similar that I'd help somebody else through, they didn't show up for me, like however that may look. You know, whether it was like babysitting for someone or being there for them when somebody stepped away from their life, and all of these moments hit me at the same time. Wow, and yeah, and it was it was gnarly, it was like I have never cried so primal before in my entire life. Yeah, but I woke up the next day and it literally freed something from my body. Oh my god, that's awesome! I also woke up the next day and there was about close to 10 people. I was just like, I'm done. Now, unlike you, I've always cut fuckers out of my life like super easily. I I've gotten better as I was older. When I was younger, it was because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle relationships, and I've always been very loyal. So if somebody didn't show me the same amount of loyalty, I took that as a personal slight. But then I realized, okay, that's who am I to judge what loyal means, right? So I've kind of grown with that, but yeah, coming from the same space of I think I am done having relationships that are one-sided. And I think that plays into the limbing limiting beliefs where like if we start kind of distilling it all down, I think conditional love has a factor, and not thinking that we are lovable enough to get the help that we deserve, or to even ask for it. Even ask for it. Yep. Yep, yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Which that is a strength. Well, you know, and it's it's you know, and then we actually came across this recently when we were you and I were on a trip with a bunch of other people, and I was having a really hard time like getting the code, trying to get in the door, and all this other type of stuff after I had, you know, driven, right? And it was just, I just had a meltdown, right? And it's like I didn't even know, like, I'm so used to doing all of these things for everybody for doing just everything, right? Not just the particular this particular incident, but like that's been my pattern my whole life that was conditioned into me, right? That I didn't even know to ask for help. In that moment, I'm just like, I just get to the end and then I just sit down and then just, you know, all right, take a deep breath and then I'll take another stab at it, right? But it's like I didn't even know. And it's like, thank you to you and everyone else who just completely was like so supportive, all of our friend group and everything like that was just so amazing and so helpful and stuff. I'm like, I broke down. It's like I didn't even know that I that it was a thing that I could even ask for help, right? And um, that was a very eye-opening lesson for me. That was amazing, you know, to like this is what support feels like. This is it's okay to ask for help. People, I want to help people, and I know other people want to help people, right? Like people in general do just want to help, you know?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

And asking for it, it just it's it's we're worthy. We're worthy of asking for help. Yes. Yeah, especially when we're in the middle of a breakdown. But I mean, it's for me, that's that's my point is like it's it's really been interesting for me to find out where that breaking point is. Is right when I can get to a point where because I've handled so much for so long, I don't know what too much is, you know. Yes, yes. And and and the bar is different for everybody, right? Like everybody's got different stuff that you know bothers them and causes them a meltdown, and other people, you know, sooner than I would. And there's people on the other side that would break down way after I would finally break down, right? So that's the beauty of being human.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Breaking point isn't always going to be the same, right? Right, yeah, yeah. I also think like that, you know, as clicheed as it is, a breakdown is a breakthrough. I think sometimes it's shit that we're actually ready to process. And it might come up in a very fucking weird way, whether you're like not being able to open a fucking door. Yeah. Or if you're in a parking lot of a crystal store and somebody points out that you have anxiety and you're pissed because you've been working on said anxiety, so fuck off. Whatever that comes through, I've also found like, you know, going back to the feeling the feelings, and and I know I've already said this before, but the journaling and actually getting out your feelings on paper, and even going back to the ace of cups, like sitting with how do I feel in this moment, and even if it's not the prettiest feelings, I think that's also where, you know, this on the other side of conditional love, the unconditional love for self is really taking the time to be okay, to go through the shit, even if it's a fucking temper tantrum and nobody else is gonna understand it. Sit with it, yeah, right, and hold space for others. Like we don't have to take on their shit because we might not be able to relate in that moment, but you can sit and listen and let someone say stuff to you and support, support, yeah, as long as they're emotionally being receptive to it, and then you can move through it when you're ready, or you can stew on it and waste more time. The choice is yours.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

I've done plenty of that. I just just I'm not ready to be not mad anymore, right? I just want to sit and be pissed the fuck off for another day or two, you know? And that is all right. Oh, goodness. Well, okay, so let me ask you this then. What strengths did you develop because you had no other choice in being told that you were too much and to sit down and shut up?

SPEAKER_01 24:26

So it's funny, and I imagine our strengths are kind of some somewhat similar. I too was the one that had to do for the whole family.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Like even when I was living in Singapore, I remember getting a call that I had to fix things in within the family at home because you know, so and so wasn't talking to so and so, and somehow it's my responsibility halfway across the world, and I just I did it without questioning. And now looking back, I'm like, well, how the fuck was that my responsibility? Right. So I think 6,000 miles away, right? Yes. So one of my strengths is I do not give up easily when it's something that I want to do, it can't stop me. And I would say that like I figure shit out. Something needs to be done, I can just figure it out and I can keep going. And at the same coin on the other side, I also think that turns into a weakness on some parts because I have a hard time asking for help as well.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Yeah, I think that's a very common thing, especially with women, you know. Yeah, yeah. Well, and well, okay, I can't say especially for women because I'm not a man, but I can imagine that it would be just the same for men too, because that's another thing that they're conditioned to, right? Is don't ask for help, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you got this, you know, be a man, suck it up, don't show emotions, right? Yeah, all that type of shit, you know. What strength did you develop? All of them, right? It's like name just name just the top few. Well, so when you experience chronic long-term lack of support, right? Like you don't realize that you're developing all of the skills that you need, like not only for your everyday life, but for your long-term needs, right? Like that's just kind of part of it, you know. I would say pretty much the same as you, right? Like the resilience, the get stuff done, the I I will find a solution. Like, I I promise you I'm gonna find a solution. I'm gonna figure it out and I'm gonna get fucking through it, right? Like, absolutely, you know. But yeah, yeah. It's just it's wild because all of these things, all of these performative things that I would do for conditional love was just it really just caused, it made me more disconnected, you know. It actually like caused more of a of an emptiness for me, right? Because like there was never enough. Like you're filling this hole that's like emptying faster than I can fill it, right? Like there's no way that I could ever perform enough to get love, support, companionship, I don't know, just whatever, fill in the blank, right? Any of that type of stuff, yeah. But it's like, you know, as taxing as that was, you know, mentally and emotionally, you know, just being let on with little crumbs like, okay, well, here you we'll just give you this, you know, just for whatever to keep me going. The part that is good is rec in recognizing that is that now I get to fulfill all of these things for myself, not I have to do that, right? And so shifting that lens has been very um pivotal for me, right? Instead of like, fuck, I have to do this for myself. Oh my god, I get to do that. Fucking I have to do this again. What the fuck? Like, how come nobody? And then it's like, no, no, no, no, no. I get to. I'm so worthy that I get to love myself, I get to support myself, I get to say no. I get to take a bath in the middle of the afternoon because I fucking say so, right? Like I get to, you know, eat dinner in front of my TV if I want to. I get to not wash dishes after I eat, right? Like I get to do all of these things. And it's it's it's so amazing that I have the opportunity now to do all these things for myself. Because again, when my cup is filled and I'm fulfilled, then that's the only way that I can be of better assistance to other people when they need it, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

And I also think that recognizing these core beliefs on your own can sometimes be a little bit difficult. But there are so many resources out there now. Like whether it's a YouTube meditation video that you could just sit with, like releasing limiting beliefs, whether it is going to see a hypnotherapist, an energy healer, a therapist, you know, whatever. We now have so many resources that you don't have to do this alone. Or you could even find a good book and a buddy and read through some self-help book to try to like work on this together without needing a ton of money to spend on so what's yes, no, correct absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

So, what is your best way that's worked for you to help discover limiting beliefs?

SPEAKER_01 29:35

So, for me, hypnotherapy, hands down, you know. But I I am a hypnotherapist, so I'm also a bit biased. But you know what's interesting in that, and actually, I was just talking to a girlfriend about this last night, is I actually think it's the combination of Reiki and hypnotherapy mixed in with other learned modalities like emotional freedom technique, that fucking tapping helps so much, or somatic exercises. Yes, yes, yes. I think it's a combination. So lately I have to get regulated, and and I was just talking to my friend about this is you know, I sometimes have a habit of looking at just the spiritual or just the human aspect, right? And really for me, getting grounded in the spiritual realm, I realize I also have to like be emotionally regulated. Yeah, and in that emotional regulation, I am able to calmly see it, right? I am not in this constant fight or flight, right? I am resting. And one of the best somatic experiences for that for me is simply you know how you do like the Pledge of Allegiance. So if you just kind of do that, but move your hand a little bit up more toward, yeah, right there more towards your collarbone. Yeah, this activates the vagus nerve. Yes. So even as we're sitting here, just leave it here for the next few minutes. You're gonna start feeling your body relaxing and it's calming.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

It's so funny because I just kind of naturally do this anyway. When I'm just like sitting and just chilling, I'm like, oh my god, this is amazing. Yeah, and I just sit and chill. And it's like, I love knowing these connections between the body and and you know, our emotions and what these little somatic exercises like we there's so many of them that we naturally do, right? Like whenever we're excited, we bounce up and down. Whenever we're stressed, we kind of pinch that spot in between our eyes, right? Like, and and or you put your palm on your forehead to just kind of like uh, you know, so all of these little things are attached to all the different nerves that just really help, you know, calm and soothe and regulate. Yeah, so cool.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

One of this one that I love so much about the Vegas nerve is you are quite literally, without words, telling your body, I am okay. And I think so much of our limiting beliefs are you know core wounds, it's because we have this feeling like we're never gonna get through these horrible fucking feelings. Yeah, even though they don't last, in the moment, sometimes they can feel fucking unbearable. So if you practice, or if it's deep breathing, right? Right if you practice those when you don't need them, and then you find yourself, you know, your back's tightening, your voice is going higher, you're speaking faster, you're getting super fucking irate. Simply taking a breath and putting your hand on your body can help start telling you, hey, you're gonna be just reset that, yeah. Chill the fuck out. Yeah, so that's I find I find lately this has been just really helping me.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

No, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

How about for you? The best way to discover uh hidden beliefs, it's kind of a combination, right? And I think this is kind of true for everybody, right? Like everybody's gonna gravitate towards what they gravitate to just because of their personality, right? And so for me, meditation is massive. Ceremony is so incredible for this. And journaling, the the little dot, you know, portal exercise has just been so fundamental. I mean, I've ever since I heard about that from you, thank you very much. I stole it from Colette Bairndreed. So thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

And then Colette Bernreed, but go on.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Yeah, so that actually just helps me so much. And I've been doing that, I don't know, maybe a year or no, a year or so now that you've told me about it. Yeah. And it's just so good because it just really helps the unconscious just unspool. And, you know, I don't even need to like, you know, I I'm not there. It's like I'm I'm there, but not there. I'm there enough to write down what needs to be written down, but it's like my brain has checked out and I'm getting direct messages, right? So that's you know, and then when I go back and I read it after I'm done, I'm just like, holy shit, that's pretty fucking profound, you know. So yeah, that's that's been been my methods. I'm trying to think if there's anything else. That and then just kind of, you know, it's it's the stuff what keeps you awake at night, right? Like, what do you wake up about, right? Like what keep oh, did I did I call that person back? Did I pay that bill? Did I, you know, what am I gonna do about this situation? Whatever, like those types of things. That's obviously the first place to look, right? Like, yeah, what are you anxious about? Like, is it really because you have to talk to your boss or is it because that you don't like confrontation, right? Like it or you're afraid of what the the what the feedback is gonna be. You're afraid, you know, because whatever you perceive their feedback is going to be, which you don't even know because you're making shit up in your own head, right? Because you didn't talk to your boss yet, right? It's like that is triggering whatever you got told when you were a four-year-old when you, when somebody asks you, hey, did you did you break this glass? Right? Well, no, I didn't do it. My brother did it, you know. It's like, did you really? Do your brother did it really, you know, or you did it, even though they saw you do it, right? It's like, and then knowing that you, you know, are gonna get some kind of like you know, negative talking to from an authority figure, that's what's the that's what the trigger is, right? It's not that you have to talk to your boss, right?

SPEAKER_01 35:13

So yeah, and I think if there are common recurring conflicts in your life, and this one is much harder to do, if you are the common denominator in shit going wrong in your life, I think that's an indicator of where shit is yes, of where to look and where to spend more time, right? Like that's a very good key highlight, but that takes a lot of self-awareness, and that takes the ability to be like, fuck, I might be the dickweed in this situation.

SPEAKER_00 35:45

Well, no, that way for for so long, like I spent so much time just like spotting that in other people so easily, right? Like, for example, there was a guy I knew in high school, and you know, he was just part of the friends group for you know for the next you know five, 10 years, whatever, right? And he would date the same girl again and again and again, same girl, different body, same relationship, different person, right? And it's like, buddy, if you just you know figured out X, Y, Z, you would not have these relationships again. Like this is yeah, you know, so it's like it's always so easy, it's like being a parent, right? It's like it was so easy for me to be be a parent before the perfect parent before I had kids, right? It's so easy for me to point out everybody else's bullshit in their life without you know recognizing that they are a mirror for me in in some aspect, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:31

So a thousand percent if there is a common denominator and it's you, there is a there. Yes. So, real quick, too, just because you did touch upon the journaling, I wanted to just explain that real quick and I'll summarize it and we can do a deeper one later. But I think this is also another tool because what I love about this one is it also taps into your subconscious as you're doing it. So you have to do the journaling for five minutes. So set a timer, but this is a quick five-minute exercise, and you draw just a little black dot. And whatever that shit is that's coming up, whether it, you know, why do I feel like I'm not good enough or what do I need to know today? Whatever that question is, throw that into this little black dot and you keep drawing this little black dot until you really truly feel like that question is living within this dot. And then you draw a portal around it that's just a little bit bigger, and just say to yourself, this is the portal that's answering my question. And you can sit with it and whenever you're ready, just start writing and start writing for a minimum of five minutes, whether it's bullet, whether it's drawings, don't stop. And even if you feel like you nothing is coming, just start writing scribblings, and the next thing you're gonna know is words are gonna start flowing and just start exploring what comes up because that's also a great way to have your subconscious like tell you the keys to this, because truly our subconscious wants to communicate with us, and our subconscious is running 88% of the show. So if we go back to a lot of these beliefs are formed, you know, in the age of zero to nine. Now, a lot of like the law of repetition, we have new beliefs that form obviously as adults, but that core shit is formed when we're so young. Yeah, your subconscious is also willing to work with you and be like, all right, here's the shame.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

Purgy, purgey, purgey. And you're gonna cry. You're gonna cry and it's gonna hurt, and you're gonna say, What the fuck? And you're gonna cry some more. And then you feel it, and then you deal with it, and then you heal it, and that's how you heal it is by feeling it and allowing it to just fucking bleed out. Yeah. You know, one thing that I've found in people that are just kind of, you know, kind of tentatively dipping their toe in, or maybe they're just like, I don't know, you know, or people who avoid this type of thing. It's like the more you avoid it, the worse it's gonna get, right? And it's like the thing that people don't understand that nobody was ever taught, nobody ever was taught, is these emotions, these shitty emotions, like the deepest funk that you can, it only lasts for like five minutes, right? Like, unless you're really milking it. But if you, you know, remember something, you know, horrifying that's I mean, obviously there's exceptions, and yes, there's every degree of horrifying thing that happens to people along the line, right? But it's like for the most part, it's like if you have something that's come like, if you discover, for example, that you always behave X, Y, Z because of something that your, you know, third grade teacher said in a random offhand comment, right? And it's like, oh, well, that made me feel less than, that made me feel whatever. It's like, sit there and sit in it and just be like, oh my God, that just really was a shitty thing for that teacher to put on me, right? And when you sit with it and you feel it, that that's what I'm talking about. That's gonna last, you know, it's only gonna last a few minutes, and then you're like, okay, you know, and it's it the thoughts of it or the memories of it may still come up, but it's not necessarily the feelings of it. Because if you're still having thoughts of it coming up afterwards and you're still feeling the same way, at that point, you're kind of milking it, right? Like you're kind of like, you want to feel bad, but it's like well, no, I don't, that's that's not I'm not saying it's right.

SPEAKER_01 40:15

No, that no, no, you are. I'm gonna jump in though. I think, and I'm sorry to cut you off, but instead of milking at it, you could also view you're not getting to that original picture. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. When you get to that original story and you actually feel that pain, all the other shit that's attached to it, it really does lessen.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. Thank you. That was my point.

unknown 40:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

That's not your fucking weenie and you're choosing to stick in this. No, no, yeah, exactly. No, no, no. Because I the trust me, I am not that dismissive about that type of stuff, right? It's like that's I know, yeah, yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

But on the flip side, so going through the actual fucking pain, it may take a while to like get to that original pain picture, that original story, that original limiting belief. But on the flip side is if you don't deal with that and you try to just stuff it down, like you really will fucking drag that torture out and it'll be like death of a million cuts instead. Yeah, yeah. I've been there, done that. Yeah. So it's like either you can fucking take it on head on and fucking do the work. Because the pain is there anyway. Yes. You can just keep suffering if you choose to, then too.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

Well, you know, I kind of liken it to like I don't know, like like mafia, you know, credit, right? It's like you can pay now or you can pay later. Like which yeah, which which one do you want? Like it's gonna be fucking more because you're gonna pay for it.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

It's gonna be baggage that's fucking the same pain point, and you're just gonna gather all that shit and drag it behind you for debt. At loan shark prices, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

That loan shark interest rate, right? Like that's yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

So man, so I think I think we've covered the beliefs, the strengths we've grown out of them and weaknesses, ways to move through them.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Yes, so as we wrap this up here, anything else you would like to add? No, I think I covered everything I wanted to. Perfect. Okay, so we will say we are signing off, and we encourage you to stay self aware, stay a little unhinged, and remember that you are never alone. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

Bye.